Articles are available for reprint as long as the author is acknowledged: Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

YOUR LEGACY IS YOUR CHILDREN

YOUR LEGACY IS YOUR CHILDREN
By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Today many couples are having children without being married. Too often one or both do not want to give up their adolescence although they actually have passed the stage. They are afraid a marriage will force them to care for someone beside themselves. Commitment to another person or a new family lessens one’s freedom. The concept of contributing to the family has become a rare, even lost expectation.
These young adults have assumed almost no responsibility in their lives.

In 2012 the number of children born out of wedlock was 40.7% of all births and rapidly is approaching 50%. These uncommitted couples soon realize that their infant will usher them into a reality of which they have little knowledge. Once the birth takes place it dawns on them that the survival of the infant will totally depend on them. The realization of the tremendous impact their poor innocent being is having on them is stunning. It wakes them up to the fact that their lives are changed forever.

The notion that the parents are the center of the universe rapidly fades replaced by the image of their baby. Hopefully this reaction is felt by at least one parent or more beneficially by both. If neither parent takes on the responsibility, the grandparents may assume this responsibility or the child is bound for the state system, which is not a healthy environment for any child. Often this rough journey is wrought with abuse and neglect.

The self-centered biological parents, no matter the number and creativity of their excuses, can never make up for their selfish decision not to give their child a legally sanctioned name and financial support decreed by a divorce settlement. This selfish act leaves the child in an unenviable position. They know in their soul that they are not providing a warm secure environment, which is the foundation of all future development.

The unmarried couples are only part of a much larger issue. Even married parents are sacrificing their children on the altar of career advancement and social pursuits. Many of these couples also have difficulty suspending or sacrificing their adolescent dreams. These married couples are attempting to walk a tightrope between their careers, socializing and meeting the responsibilities of raising children. Most see these roles as equivalent since the pop culture experts have repeatedly sold this idea for years.

Other functions are extremely different from raising a child, which is time sensitive. The early childhood years lay the foundation for all later development. The time for raising a child is limited and finite. Most parents do not realize how short this period is until their child reaches a point in adolescence where the young adult begins to declare his independence without thinking through all the financial and social implications.

Not every couple can even produce an offspring. When parents are blessed with a child they should understand they have a sacred duty to be fully involved parents and give the child their love to produce the best human being they can. Parenting is not a part-time assignment but allows the offspring to pass the heritage from their devoted parent to the next generation.

The relationship is not a one-way blessing from parents to children. The parents are taught by their children’s reflections back to them, the good and bad of the parent’s behavior. The old adage, “my child taught me well” is as true today as it has always been. Parents are awakened by the child’s innocent, frank and accurate statements about the parent’s behavior. The child mimics the parent’s best and worst traits and allows the parents to correct their own mistakes and concedes that perhaps their own parents did better at raising children than they are presently doing. Having a family is an important step in the maturation process of humans.

There are many married people who are choosing not to or are unable to have children. Frozen in perpetual adolescence they appear to other married couples and themselves in a lifestyle that has avoided many social and financial hardships other families have to face. Their problems do not surface until the latter stages of life. As the childless couple enters the ending stage of life, they face the negative implications of their decision not to have children. There are no immediate family members to visit them, to thank them and appreciate the sacrifices they made.

Involved, loving parents did overcome many hurdles to make and meet their commitment as parents. There is no avoiding the hard realities that parenting requires immense effort, time and energy to do an excellent job. The reality of parenting requires time and energy to do it right.

It would be a lost opportunity not to do the most important job given to a person: raising children who will create the family legacy for generations.




Tuesday, May 16, 2017

ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TAKES EFFORT

ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TAKES EFFORT
By Domenick J. Maglio PhD., Traditional Realist

Most youngsters have been conditioned by the culture to believe they are entitled to anything they want. They desire it, get it and throw it away. This quick turn over of interests happens daily throughout their short existence.

These children are born into a consumer-credit fad economy. Instant gratification is the norm in their lives. When children lose or abuse a toy or precious object they immediately have it replaced. These young people rarely have to repair, maintain or build something. Our affluence has encouraged us to passively purchase services and objects rather than use our ingenuity and imagination to rebuild or create another interesting activity.

The art of living a unique life of overcoming liabilities and turning them into assets is becoming unusual in a victimized society. Youngsters, often with the consent and encouragement of their parents, would rather receive special diagnosis and assistance by professionals to complete simple objectives rather than struggle to find their own strategy to compensate for their limitations. According to child advocates it is not the fault of the child for having some limitations, as they should be given special programs and assistance to deal with their immediate problems.

“Figit Spinners” are the latest absurdity to be supported by child development experts. Supposedly the plastic spinning disk would help the child avoid the struggle to find his own learning style that would compensate for any learning difficulties. Some physicians are giving prescriptions to children to use their “figit spinners” in the classroom to help them concentrate. This is preposterous intervention happening even though no scientific evidence has been found to demonstrate its effectiveness.

Our public schools are insisting certain difficult students need to receive psychotropic drugs in order to attend school. When parents refuse to place their child on drugs they are sometimes confronted by child protective services. There are even cases where children have been removed from their home and placed in foster care due to the parent’s not complying with the school district edicts. This has taken place without the parents being given due process to their rights as citizens.

It is not good for particular students to have tests read to them. They should only be given tests that are on their reading level. Without the ability to read they will not be functional in any modern society, nor should they receive extra time to take a test. This ridiculous practice only confirms to the child that he is less than normal. Children need to be trained and inspired to reach incremental goals, not be warehoused and labeled as defective by the system and eventually by the child.

We as a people have forgotten that our greatness as an economic powerhouse was established on the industriousness of our ancestors. Many of them had to work to help support their families from a young age. Mostly everything they had to learn came from their own initiative and experience. Their reading, math and job skills were learned by fighting for them. There were often significant people who assisted them and apprenticeship opportunities to learn job skills were identified through their own resourcefulness.

Nothing worthwhile that is accomplished is easy. It takes work, perseverance and concentration to learn a skill, complete a task well or invent a better mousetrap. When a person just makes excuses and gives up nothing is accomplished except a sense of failure and loss of confidence. When the person fights through these challenges and resolves the crucial issues his competence increases as well as  strength of character.

As a society we should stop pandering to special interest groups who demand too many privileges, concessions and accommodations for the child having difficulties.  Removing all types of adversity creates a victimized and entitlement society.

Overcoming obstacles builds confident and self-reliant people. We should return to a fair merit competition to build winners.  In the “everyone wins” mentality there is no motivation to improve. Without failing in something a person loses the motivation to be a winner.

Doers who succeed have to persevere to reach their goals. It takes effort to be a success not accommodations, lower standards and expectations. These are the people who never walk away from a challenge but confront it time and time again until they conquer their inner fear of failure.

Eventually they are victorious and are able to savor their temporary accomplishments then reach out for new and more difficult goals. They raise themselves to new heights and greater laser focused efforts.



Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.








Tuesday, May 09, 2017

PARENTS SHOULD INSPIRE THEIR CHILD'S DREAMS AND GOALS




PARENTS SHOULD INSPIRE THEIR CHILD’S DREAMS AND GOALS
By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

The world has changed, families are smaller, many have only one child. Our economy is the highest or one of the highest in the world according to the variables used to determine it. Even families on the bottom of the socio economic ladder are recipients of significant government assistance that allows them a lifestyle, which is the envy of the developing nations. Our nation is living above its means and eventually will have an economic correction.

Most modern parents do not significantly emphasize that they worked hard to obtain their lifestyle. Instead they communicate in politically correct, high false-self- esteem jargon that their children will be better off than they are. These parents believe since their children are very bright their future is definitely going to be as good or better than their parents. This sentiment is very common even when the child is not doing well in school, does not listen well and has little work ethic.

Modern parents have not personally witnessed significant national financial setbacks. The “Great Recession” was cushioned with approximately one trillion dollars in stimulus-inflated money. The Middle East wars have had little direct impact on most American family life. It is understandable that the average modern parent thinks they will have the political influence and financial power to shelter their children from any negative setbacks that may occur. If history is any indicator, they are going to be sadly mistaken.

This thinking pattern leaves too many adults and their unfortunate offspring in a delusionary state. If people’s future is insured by their present lifestyle, they will have little motivation to prepare or be concerned with what is coming down the road. They can choose to live in the moment without concern about events happening elsewhere in the world or to teach their child necessary skills and moral values to survive and prosper on their own.

Too many American children are hibernating in the safety of their family cocoon. As students there is no fear of what tomorrow could bring to their existence. Studying challenging subjects to give them more options and getting into and succeeding in graduate pursuits is immaterial to them. Their protective helicopter parents in incident after incident have bailed out most of these students in school and in the community.

The parent’s power and influence might help their child get out of trouble in school and with police officials, graduate from high school, get into college and even get them a job in a business. The problem is, does the youngster have the skills, knowledge and perseverance to function in the real world? Does the individual have the strength of character to struggle through hard times and come out a winner on the other side of the adversity. Mental toughness develops through striving, failing and finally succeeding.

This lack of concern for their own future leaves youngsters vulnerable to immense psychological, financial and emotional suffering. Since they have no fallback plan they most likely demand the government take over more responsibility for their personal lifestyle. These slackers and takers will move from making demands on parents to making demands on other citizen’s money through local, state and federal tax confiscation.

They will become a major force for an increased welfare state. We are already witnessing this with the self-serving programs they want the government to provide for them such as free college tuition, and medical care. If these self-centered young adults do not face some real consequences to their self-indulgent life style, the problem will expand into many other areas.

This generation and future generations have to comprehend- nothing is guaranteed. The reality is that living in the USA requires that citizens be self reliant for their own advancement. We as a nation have to make this clear.

No parent can purchase this “will power” for his children. The youngsters have to earn it through their own effort. These individuals have to want to better themselves and their future. They have to possess goals and dreams that inspire them to do more, not less than what their parents did. There is no substitute for setting standards and expectations high, to reach for the best one can be. Parents noting the improvement in the effort and especially in the results should encourage this. The child should be taught to compete against himself.

For our citizens, families and nation to prosper we have to teach the work ethic and self-reliance to our children. All citizens should be motivated to make their future as bright as they can.



Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.
























Tuesday, May 02, 2017

MARRIAGE IS NOT INSTANTLY GRATIFYING

MARRIAGE IS NOT INSTANTLY GRATIFYING
By Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D. Traditional Realist

In our consumer economy there is constant temptation to purchase whatever we desire, now, even when we cannot afford it. Sophisticated subliminal advertising
makes almost any item: jewelry, houses, or cars- irresistible and affordable. The discounts and credit options make it feasible although illogical to buy now rather than save until it could be bought outright.

We live in a soft, instant gratification society. Our children are rewarded at home and at school for the slightest hint of beginning to apply themselves to do the right thing. They receive outrageous amounts of money for doing the simplest chores around the house. In school they receive inflated grades and plaques not for earning a significant achievement but for participating in the activity no matter how little the effort or improvement in skills.

It is no wonder many people are joining computer-dating sites to meet the right person. The TV promos show two attractive people for the first time having an immediate, intense relationship. It is “love at first sight” in this contrived start up relationship. The viewer is supposed to believe that through trait analysis the chemistry of these two people will fall into a magical state of euphoria and blossom into a loving relationship. They expect that the senses will continue to heighten to extraordinary levels just at the sight of each other. They will melt into a warm and exhilarating feeling whenever they are in the other’s presence arriving on cloud nine.

This romantic narrative is not love. It is the illusion of infatuation. This altered state can last for a short, fleeting period of time or grow into something that is more substantial. Usually this period can continue at the most a year or two before the chemistry fades. Once the couple realizes the shortcomings the real work of building the relationship begins.

True love is not about finding a perfect match between two people. It is about hard work to negotiate a fair and honest relationship. When both members fairly share their skills and effort it contributes to the success of the marriage. The strength of the bond becomes more solidified. It does not matter that they share equally in all duties as many marital experts preach. More realistically, each spouse should do what each prefers and at the same time be willing to share what the other feels is necessary. This balance requires honest negotiation and willingness to keep their word. Spouses have to continue to practice this ongoing honest dialogue, which will bring them closer together.

Only when two people get to know their own and their spouse’s weaknesses and shortcomings and accept them are they developing a firm foundation for a long-term relationship. Each of us is imperfect. When two people comprehend this reality and commit to grow into a united pair they are on the path to develop a loving relationship. This journey is an uneven and difficult one. One person will often make greater concessions than the other but this may change with time.

Eventually, after many personal challenges, both would be persuaded that walking away from all their shared experiences and accomplishments would be stupid. Beginning over again for instant gratification and the illusion of infatuation would only be temporary. This awareness and the decision to struggle through what at times are frustrating and strong disagreements are essential to elevating the relationship. This decision by each person to care enough to persevere and be brutally honest with each other will unify them into a highly functioning pair.

The entire development of a marriage relationship between a man and a woman is not easy or spontaneous. It takes time and effort for a man to understand the way his unique woman feels thinks and acts in a particular situation. The same in reverse for a woman to needs to understand her man’s uniqueness. Once each appreciates the other’s differences and appreciates the other for them, there is a growth of respect for each other. These differences were once viewed as disdainful, characteristic flaws. When the couple realize these behaviors and thinking have helped them broaden their perspective and better understand the world around them. These flaws magically turn into assets.

The original infatuation chemistry through concentrated effort ultimately leads to a durable love bringing both into the inner world of the other.  Instant gratification can start an intimate relationship but cannot sustain it. The uniting of a couple in a loving marriage takes devotion for each to the other.




Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.