PARENTS DOING TOO MUCY AND REQUIRING TOO LITTLE

PARENTS DOING TOO MUCH AND REQUIRING TOO LITTLE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Modern parents are confused about their responsibility to assist their children in various situations. They feel responsible for their child’s homework when the child is in the younger grades putting greater effort into ensuring the child’s success in elementary grades. These parents realize the poor state of public schools. They hear stories of grade inflation, over testing, cheating, and lack of basic skills. Many even go so far as being frightened enough to actually do the child’s homework and instruct them in simple subject areas at home. These same parents are uncomfortable enforcing any significant consequences, which they gave to their children to teach them responsibility at home and in school.

Few of these parents attempt to involve their child in completing the work after they instruct them on the material. Most do not. Usually the child reluctantly participates in this ritual but only when the parent is looking over his shoulder. The parent-tutor does not trust the school’s preparation of their child to understand what he needs to do. Parents do not want their child to suffer the frustration of doing it on their own before helping them. Modern parents want to help their child do things with minimal effort from the child. This does not work for students to internalize the material.

In the higher elementary grades the students continue to expect their parents help. They are dependent on the parent tutoring them. The students concentrate on their studies only when an adult is right there. They have not been taught in any way to be a problem solver. Instead, most have learned to act helpless so their parents will take care of their responsibilities at school and home.

When the parent is notified that their child has not done his homework or has forged the parent’s signature for not doing an assignment or doing it poorly, the parent blames the school, not the child. These parents desire and even demand the school solve their child’s lack of motivation and poor academic skills. They only want to ensure their child’s success without having to expend time, energy and constantly repeat themselves until they become blue in the face.

Many modern parents are uncomfortable and even unwilling to jeopardize their children being temporarily upset with them. Most parents would like the school to take the responsibility to keep them on an academic track but often are unwilling to support the teachers. Their immature student’s choices become another reminder of the poor preparation and training of the youngster. They have not been trained to deal with temptations such as uncontrollable spending, drug and alcohol abuse or a daily unbalanced, unhealthy lifestyle. They use their self-centered feelings rather than logically examining the problem of consequences for their impulsive behavior.

These pathetic scenarios could be prevented by parents focusing their energy in the early years of the child’s life, developing good moral habits and skills to make them contributors rather than spoiled demanders and takers. This commitment cannot be underestimated in time and energy but pays incredible dividends in the family’s future. The present permissive-materialistic child rearing approach delivers crisis and headaches for many families as the child is supposed to mature. A child cannot mature if he is pampered into remaining a dependent invalid.

Understanding the importance of a strong, assertive parental hand in the early years parents have to demand the correct behavior to shape the child’s character. It requires parental supervision and follow-up instruction for the child to internalize the necessary skills and habits to tackle jobs and complete them in an efficient and timely manner.

These parents are not training them to be responsible, independent, moral people. Modern parents are not spending the necessary time teaching them basic good work habits. They do not realize their responsibility as a parent does not end with the early grades but continues not only until the legal age of 18 but until the parents are no longer able to function as independent adults.

The realization that the children are going to be part of the family for life changes everything. It is a powerful motivating factor in teaching the child to be independent rather than dependent on them. Dependent young adults become entitled, demanding their parents continued financial and emotional support for their out-of-control lifestyle. Parents become enablers of their children’s selfish and self-destructive behavior.

This takes a total commitment and effort of the family to realize the dividends of their work later on. Raising a healthy, educated, wise, well-balanced, successful adult is probably the greatest and most gratifying accomplishment in a parent’s life.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.