BEING AN EXEMPLARY PARENT REQUIRES SACRIFICE

BEING AN EXEMPLARY PARENT REQUIRES SACRIFICE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

The “youth culture” has been firmly established in the USA. When they reach double digits, our children start to yearn for the privileges of a teenager without demonstrating a significant level of trustworthiness, ability to contribute to the family or to make responsible choices in a socially precarious world. Too many modern parents have the money to appease their children rather than take the more difficult route of spending their time and energy to discipline them.

People are getting married and having children later than previous generations. Both women and men in their late 20s and 30s have already established their routines as perennial adolescents. They do not have to think about their future investments while they live in the “here and now.” Their income primarily goes to entertainment, travel and splurging on themselves. This becomes their entrenched life style in their 20s, 30s and beyond. 

Getting married for any couple in the present culture means they will have to make radical changes unless they have married earlier and have grown up together. Finding a residence for both of them has to be determined and how to arrange their joint finances. Would they pool their salaries in a joint account or keep separate accounts? Will one move in with the other or get a different home?

These are necessary decisions but nothing compared to the almost innumerable little ones that have to be made once a child enters the picture. Before the child’s arrival all questions clustered around their personal lifestyle. All of a sudden when children come, a new powerful element is added to the equation. How is he going to be raised? How will the decision making process be handled? Everyday issues will arise that have to be solved and implemented or will turn into major problems.

In the past once a couple married the expectations were clear. The mother was expected to stay home and fathers went to work to earn the bacon. Today the options are much more complex. There are infants in childcare centers, house husbands who often work from the home or focus solely on raising the children. There is shared responsibility for childrearing and variations of accomplishing the incredibly complex responsibilities and privilege of raising a child.

The personal freedom of the parents’ previous lifestyle has to be sacrificed in order to successfully establish a healthy, functioning life for a family. There has to be interdependency and not independence developed between the husband and wife for the marriage to be effective. “Girls’ and Boys’ Nights out” have to be severely curtailed or even better, eliminated. The parents will need to support each other creating a united front or suffer with children dividing and conquering their efforts. This strategy of both wife and husband not acting in unity results in an unstable and often chaotic family.

When the child acts outrageously the parents have to give appropriate, significant consequences. Meaningful disciplinary consequences usually entail a parent’s time and energy to enforce it. When the parents do not follow through they lose credibility and the child wins but loses the chance to learn important lessons. Without the parents winning each battle both of them are undermined. This strategy ends in ineffectual parenting.

When a problem arises the discipline of one’s children often means parents have to rearrange or cancel their recreational, entertainment or other venue. Parents should have resolve enough to lose the money paid for a reservation, take away the privilege of parties, give up a trip, cancel a birthday party, or sleep over. Occasionally the parents need to sacrifice their own desires and suffer the consequences of a decision to show commitment to their child’s future healthy behavior. Parents have to keep their word and follow through.

Too many modern parents make threats and at the last moment capitulate and let the child do what he wanted in the first place. The child and other family members learn through witnessing the parents that they are nothing more than paper tigers. Many modern parents say the right things, give appropriate consequences but do not follow through on their word. The reason is they do not want to suffer the pain and discomfort being a mature adult.

Modern parents need to change their priorities. Being an effective parent requires they give up some of their personal pleasures. Parents should relinquish their teenage instant gratification mentality for gaining the respect, love and discipline of their children. The pleasure of having a well functioning family especially in the grandparent stage will be immensely gratifying.

It is worth the small sacrifices made in the early stages of establishing their parental power by being in charge.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.