STRAIGHTENING A CROOKED TREE IS DIFFICULT

STRAIGHTENING A CROOKED TREE IS DIFFICULT

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

When a person plants a young tree without proper soil preparation, the needed nutrients, water and pruning it is setting the stage for an unproductive and fragile plant.  Trees like most living things need to receive nurturing to blossom and survive. Once the tree is well established the attention of the caretaker is less important. Raising a child is like raising a tree.

The modern child rearing strategy of allowing the child to unfold with little supervision minimizes the responsibility and hassle of being a parent. According to this theory all the child’s self-preservation, social interactional, survival and thinking skills will spontaneously develop. The child’s growth does not have to be shaped, as it is already predetermined. Most importantly modern parents believe they have the power of affluence to protect their offspring when they get themselves into a serious crisis with authority figures.

The obvious flaw in this thinking process is it does not stand up to reality. Children need to be civilized to function well in our culture. Many parents are oblivious to the fact that children have to be taught how to speak, to eat, control their impulses, relate in a mannerly way, listen, think and a host of other attributes that form a full functioning, wholesome person. Obviously the high incidence of childhood mental disorders indicates it does not happen by osmosis.

Raising a properly acting child takes observation, specific consequences delivered in the right dosage and a timely manner. All children need training, some need more, others less. Even the child’s survival depends on the parent’s awareness and commands with strong, appropriate consequences to imprint important messages and behaviors in their minds.

 Untrained preschool children wander or dash from one area of interest to another and impulsively do what momentarily attracts them. This can be very dangerous. They often will not watch out for a vehicle before they run. Most childhood accidents are due to a lack of parental preparation of the child’s awareness of the danger from their spontaneous actions. An example is the child who runs across an uncongested road without heeding his parent’s calls to stop. Every summer there are children who are killed by similar type accidents on our beaches that could have been prevented by parents training their children to obey their commands.

The training should start with commands but not end with them. Parents have to discuss the reason why certain behaviors are better for them than others. These rational explanations shape the thinking of the child, which affects behavior. When this childrearing approach is begun early the impact is more powerful and effective. The later it is started, the greater is the work needed to move the child from the wrong to the right path. The reason for this additional effort should be self-evident. First an adult has to erase the old bad habits to replace them with new ones. The removal of inappropriate actions replacing them with more beneficial ones is more difficult. The more often the impulsive behavior occurs the more it pays immediate short-term dividends of releasing energy although with long term negative consequences.

The adult leads the child through a series of disastrous possibilities that could have happened. This debriefing process can help a child visualize the consequences of certain actions. The child hopefully learns to realize the perils of impulsive acting and learns to think before doing.

By initially placing the child on the straight and narrow right path, the difficulty of retraining becomes less necessary. The old adage that it is easier to grow a tree straight than to correct a crooked one is also true in raising children. Raising a child like a tree takes a significant amount of work but when done early and right puts the child mostly on automatic pilot.

Spotting and addressing specific potential weaknesses in the early years of their development the child’s character, behavior and abilities can be set on the right track before they evolve into more intractable issues.  The parent’s micromanaging behavior decreases, as they do not have to be concerned with every little action of their child. They have laid the groundwork for the child’s development. This foundation gives the child an awareness of negative and dangerous behavior alerting the child to control his actions. This increases sensitivity of dealing with physical and mental temptations that prevent future mishaps.

Early training in basic skills, social, emotional and behavior development affords parents more time to love and enjoy their children as they mature into productive and well-adjusted adults. A pruned and well-nourished tree grows straight and healthy as does the child.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.