LAZY PARENTING IS BEHIND THE LYING EPIDEMIC

LAZY PARENTING IS BEHIND THE LYING EPIDEMIC

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Lying has been part of the human experience forever. The Bible notes that habitual lying leads to evil and eventually to hell. It is certainly not a path to obedience and elevated spirituality or a successful lifestyle over the long run. Lying will not be totally eliminated but can be controlled by conscientious traditional child rearing. The proper consequences, duration and moral teaching will minimize the frequency and length of these lying episodes.

Lying does not have to be taught. It is natural for a child to say whatever pops into his mind to appease the authority figure. “I did not break the toy, it just fell on its own.” “I did not push her, she tripped.”  Children would say falsehoods even when they realize an adult is watching them. It is part of human behavior but needs to be corrected.

The parent needs to help the child tell the truth. Teaching the habit of telling the truth takes an enormous amount of work. The parent just cannot say “you should tell the truth” but should be ready to teach moral lessons and follow up with appropriate consequences on every occasion. The child uses lying to get something or get out of something.

Lazy parenting is the major reason that lying is out-of-control. Two parent families have dwindled weakening the power of both the father and mother. Parenting usually falls on the shoulders of the mother but not always. When fathers have sole custody, the same phenomenon takes place. A single parent is often attempting to be liked better than the other parent. In split custody the child has the advantage of playing one parent against the other. The eventual loser in this process is the child.

In the traditional, intact family, the mother often had the support of the father to give a second dose of a moral lesson and often a stronger consequence. The two-parent family usually works together to stress the importance of telling the truth. Teachers, pastors and other authority figures also enforce the value of honesty. Most significant authority figures, including the parents, demonstrate telling the truth in public is essential for living a positive life. This is no longer a normal occurrence. Lying has become an art form that is becoming admired instead of condemned.

What came first, our culture admiring public figures lying to us or the breakdown of the family to teach the virtue of telling the truth? The lazy parent does not take the time to teach the ultimate harm of this behavior or powerful negative influences of the degrading of authority in our communities and nation. It does not matter for the correction can only be taught effectively at an early age by the most significant person in the child’s life: the parent. It does not matter where it began but how we, as a society, most effectively teach it.

Incarcerating a person in a prison or mental institution is much too late to start the process of being truthful. A pathological liar is almost impossible to convert. An infant or toddler can be placed on the right track by a simple but labor-intensive process. The parent has to take charge. Anytime the child does not tell the truth there should be an appropriate negative consequence. Anytime the child admits to a wrongdoing he should receive praise for doing the right thing and how proud the parents are. Nevertheless, there should be a mild consequence to remind the youngster that any deception is not acceptable.

The sacrifice of parents’ time and effort in teaching these lessons pays incredible dividends for the child. An honest child is worth his weight in gold. By possessing a moral compass they will guide themselves towards good and away from evil. The compass will help them avoid temptation and become a valuable citizen. Without honorable citizens our constitutional republic will eventually crumble.

Parents are the gatekeepers to telling the truth to their children. There are a million possible excuses for avoiding this long, drawn out process of arriving at truth. Almost any parent has some shame when confronted by another authority figure about their child being dishonest.

However, a child like most adults would do, attempted to deceive in order to avoid confrontation and embarrassment in social situations.  To help the child resist the temptation to become addicted to lying the message that lying in the long run will be more painful than what it was supposed to solve must be clear, repetitive and concise. Ultimately the child will be the victim of his own lies-he will not be able to discern the truth about himself or reality.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.