ALL TEASING IS BECOMING “BULLYING”

ALL TEASING IS BECOMING “BULLYING”

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Different words are supposed to communicate a specific meaning. When we start to blur them misunderstanding, confusion and ignorance arise. What we mean by the word we choose may be erroneously interpreted by the hearer as different than what the speaker intended or consciously equated to confuse the issue. The specific meaning of words clarifies what the person is trying to communicate.

Currently many words are losing their original meaning by associating them with another word. This often changes the meaning to a more severe implication than before. Many parents and children are perceiving teasing and bullying as synonymous. This is not true and is dangerous. Bullying in no way has the connotation that is helpful to the person. It is a nasty act to hurt the victim’s self-worth by using intimidation to do something harmful against their interest. It is often done to brow beat or intimidate the innocent person to give the perpetrator something of value that demeans the victim’s self-worth or for the bully to elevate his status among his peers.

Teasing is generally an innocuous form of communicating with several possible objectives. It can be a playful joking act, socially toughening up a child or an educational process to motivate the child. The use of teasing in our modern culture is now emphasizing the teased person as being mocked and taunted which hurts their feelings. Traditionally teasing emphasized the person who was teased as reflecting a loved one mirroring an inappropriate response to a social event. This has been done by a loving usually older person to prod a younger person to act more appropriately. It was used to increase a child’s awareness by teasing him to be more of a social learning experience rather than a negative one.

In order to become functional in an electronically interactive world it is almost impossible to gauge a person’s intentions without face-to-face contact. Without the non-verbal cues too many youngsters jump to conclusions about cyber associates without sufficient evidence to support them. Many responses of these so-called “friends” can be devastating to the unprepared child. However, the prepared child would dismiss the comments as, “what can you expect from that type of person.” This cyber bullying will end as easily as blocking the person from their electronics.

Modern children have to learn the saying of the past to protect themselves. “I am rubber, you are glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” In other words, the youth has to possess inner strength by not taking everything to heart. An aspect of maturity is discerning the character of another to determine the value of what they say.

When every seemingly negative comment is seen as a bullying one, the world would appear to be frightening and cause a person to withdraw inwardly or join the bullying club. Either one of these choices is not appropriate or positive. A youth has to become desensitized to these tactics and become strong enough to continue to search for honorable and healthy people as real friends. Remaining in negative relationships is an indication of mental weakness that has to be conquered to develop positive interpersonal experiences.

Often the most effective place to learn social appropriateness is among family members. In the early years of a person’s life this process assists the child to overcome his overreactions when it is pointed out he is not perfect. The more they see loving members point out their obnoxious behavior by teasing the more they understand the necessity of social appropriateness. When family and friends mock the child’s inappropriate reactions to events he is placed on a stronger path to a healthy and successful future.

Kids teasing each other will not cease. The human nature of putting down a peer can be controlled by simply learning to counter punch. Appropriate comebacks to annoying remarks can stop the verbal and non-verbal rewards gained by the teaser. When the teased person remains in emotional control the teaser will see the game is not working. The teaser will either move on to another person or just respond more appropriately or learn to respect the individual as a friend.

Once a child accepts the truism that “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never harm me,” the teasing game loses its power. The individual shows strength when they no longer act baby-fied.

Loved ones should prevent the child from being a victim by giving him the tools of emotional strength of handling teasing Being a victim is not an answer. It leads to greater failure and feelings of inferiority. Children have to be trained to be mentally tough or face a life more difficult than need be.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.