CONSEQUENCES WITH PAIN BETTER THAN LECTURES

 CONSEQUENCES WITH PAIN BETTER THAN LECTURES

BY Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Too many children are not learning important lessons that will guide them in the future. Many parents are telling their children “why” the things they have done are wrong, but it ends right there. There is no follow up, in one ear and out the other normally is the end result. 

 

The cancel culture labeled physical spanking, no matter how mild, as child abuse. This indoctrination process began in the 1960s and now is accepted as absolute. This change in our child development approach took place before the concept of “cancel culture” was even articulated in our nation. Nevertheless, it happened.

 

Anyone who argues for appropriate mental or physical pain to extinguish negative behavior is now seen as a physical abuser of children. Although before socialist pragmatist, John Dewey’s educational approach and Dr. Spock’s permissive materialistic child rearing approach, spanking was America’s traditional way of disciplining children to be obedient, to listen and be respectful towards adults.

 

The traditional approach of child rearing was practiced for centuries because it worked to train one’s children to follow the instructions of their elders without backtalk. It was sabotaged by the socialistic progressive elites since it hampered social change. Parents being in charge of their own parenting meant stability and the status quo. By undermining the parent’s authority, the scientists and educators replaced them as the authority figures. The shift from parents to experts was swift and greater than expected. 

 

The indoctrination process in education, mental health and the media not only shifted the decision making to experts but relieved the parents of the responsibility of raising their children. The modern parent just had to follow the scientific advice and their children would be physically, mentally healthy and fully prepared for the future. The path of following the scientific experts has freed up parents’ time to pursue their own interests but has resulted in unhappy, unprepared and poorly functioning children. Unfortunately, we have produced an avalanche of children sliding into the depths of dysfunctional labels.

 

The shift from swift corporal punishment with significant consequences to “brilliant” lectures with no follow-up by the parent has decreased the power and respect of the parents to pathetic levels. Children often see their parents as friends or as jokes, certainly not as authority figures. The authorities of modern children are the social media influencers, Hollywood entertainers and peers who get notoriety for disobeying and disrespecting traditional authority figures. These are anti-authority figures.

 

Parents’ words of correct behavior are usually right on target. The explanations are reasonable. The children listen contritely at times appropriately shedding the necessary tears, but the message is short lived. It is the message of advice that is as quickly given as it is forgotten. Everyone in the family goes back to shallow and detached normal interaction with all the children’s negative habits still intact. 

 

Contrast this approach with traditional authoritarian parents who were constantly there, in- charge. When these parents spoke, it was not a lecture, it was a command to listen, followed by a comprehensive list of ways the child’s behavior could negatively impact their life, their family and their future. Besides the consequences for the stupid behavior of the child, there were constant reminders by the parents of their ridiculous behavior. Parents “rubbed salt in the wounds” of the child by reminding him frequently of previous ridiculous behavior.

 

The traditional approach of an initial physical reminder such as a nun’s slap with a ruler, a mother’s wooden spoon or a father’s belt was applied, quickly gaining the attention of the child. After the mental wake-up call there was an annoying punishment that was consistently imprinted into the mind of the child, that you did this to yourself and “this hurts me more than you,” which the child never understood. The parent was honestly saying the time they had to apply to the child’s misbehavior took away from their free time. The physical pain they had to administer often brought back vivid memories of when they were raised with reality training.

 

Modern parenting techniques are brief and less effective than teaching moral lessons. The traditional process to gain the child’s attention through physical means then applying a well thought out, comprehensive and meaningful punishing consequence with reminders of what they did wrong was far more impactful. It placed the negative incident in the long-term memory of the child.

 

The parents should consider what is more abusive, being incarcerated for lack of respect for authority, ending up in a mental institution or having parents being in charge and putting reality back into the mind of the child?

 

Today’s parents can see the results of the intellectual lecture approach or the traditional one.

They should see the difference. 

 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a recent book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.