STUDENT RECEIVING PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT IS PLEASING TO PARENTS

STUDENT RECEIVING PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT IS PLEASING TO PARENTS

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Modern parents have a radically different approach than parents in the not too distant past. Today’s parents want their children to be happy and protected above all else. They do not want them to suffer in any way. If the child falls and scrapes his knee, both the child and the parent make a federal case about the incident. The child exploits the temporary pain to receive attention and sympathy and the parent devotes energy to soothing the child’s suffering.

There is no more parental command to stop their melodramatic antics. “Get up and shake it off” is now considered abusive, non-empathetic behavior. Instead modern parents rush their child to a doctor no matter how minor the incident.  Often the doctor prescribes pain medication and supplies an unnecessary soft cast to pacify the child and exploits the parent’s guilt.

In school when a student is clearly not applying himself and not bringing in homework not only does the child make ridiculous excuses, the parent often tops the child by doubling down with bigger whoppers to dismiss the child’s behavior. The parent simply is an advocate for the child’s laziness. Most parents no longer support other authority figures, even teachers. The child learns the parent is not going to allow their child to receive any negative consequences such as missing recess, isolation from the group and additional make up work.

Most parents are no longer advocates for advancing higher academic standards and expectations to motivate their child to become the best he can be. Instead these parents are now running interference for the child’s lack of focus and disobedience for not following the teacher’s direction. This approach has taken a quantum leap in the minds of too many parents. Many parents are more than willing for their child to receive special privileged treatment to make their child’s life easier in school and to insure their child’s future.

Parents have become “life hacks” for their child’s future. These micro managing parents are pathetically eager to be told by school authorities that their child is “incapable” of learning without special assistance. This has become a positive as it allows them more options to advocate for their child. They believe teachers should accommodate their child’s inability “to do well” by providing less academic homework, more time to take a test, have questions read to them, and give open book exams.  A significant number of parents want their children to be labeled with a disability. The “confirmed disability” will verify the problem the parent had to endure did not come from lazy parenting but from a genetic defect in the child. This will make the parent a certified martyr for dealing with this overwhelming burden.

This is the direct opposite of parents just a few generations ago. Those parents wanted their children pushed by their teachers to do better. Parents felt any poor work or grades was the fault of the child and could not blame it on some ambiguous mental deficiency. These parents believed any obstacle could be overcome by the child through hard work or compensating by finding another route to success. Pain of school punishment was seen as a caring act to motivate the child. They placed the responsibility directly on the youngster not accepting any nonsense justifying his lack of effort.

Being told your child is not capable by an authority figure is currently seen as a positive, not a negative. This might be a short term positive to reach an easier objective of obtaining entrance into college. However, in the person’s future as an adult he will self-identify as being an invalid resulting in being seen as a weak failure. Moreover he will believe he deserves a bailout from others rather than buckling down and increasing his effort to get the job done.

A parent providing unearned rewards to their child by spearheading lower standards does not develop perseverance as compared to other students. Rugged individualism has lost its attractiveness to many parents who want an easier, gentler and softer road for their child than individuals who fought their way to meet their objectives.

This preferential treatment of their child will produce a frail, unprepared and disabled person to compete in the real and sometimes vicious world. Loving parents should insist their loved ones learn to handle painful consequences as a wake up call. They need to pick themselves up by their bootstraps to conquer any and all challenges to become self-reliant individuals.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.