RAISING A CHILD TO BE AN ADULT -NOT FOREVER A CHILD

 RAISING A CHILD TO BE AN ADULT -NOT FOREVER A CHILD

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Many of the children in the United States are full of themselves. They believe whatever they do is terrific. Many of their decisions are spontaneous with little thought as they have consistently been told how anything they touch is perfect. Why should they waste time thinking? Thinking is not necessary for they can just “Google it”, therefore they don’t listen to anyone else. They are unaware that much of what you find online is not true. These youngsters do not have an ounce of self-doubt about anything they think or do. 

 

Many children have been raised in a childrearing philosophy of positive praise with almost no criticism. This philosophy was first adopted by government schools in the 1970s. Parents and the children’s second major authority figures, teachers, are on the same page about positive reinforcement. When parents, academic teachers and even afterschool instructors like dance, music, gymnastics, and athletic coaches apply the same types of system that uses trophies, certificates of achievement and over inflated (false statements of excellence), the child and parents hear these as actual assessments of their child’s performance. Parents often think how wonderfully their child does in all venues and how terrific they are as modern parents. Everyone wins in this American fantasy except the future of the child.

 

Currently it is difficult for authority figures to tell the child that their performance was not at a sufficient level to receive an excellent evaluation. Modern parents experiencing this genuine viewpoint would consider the person mean spirited and destructive to the innocent child’s self-concept. An accurate assessment of the innocent child’s academic skills, personality or interaction with others has to always be upbeat in this modern psychological era. The youngster’s ego has to be protected at all costs.

 

However, there is a cost to the child’s performance being sugar coated by authority figures as it would discourage the youngster from practicing and striving to reach the next level. The mandated token rewards become a disincentive in the long run for the child to focus, prepare and search for better methods to improve their performance to get to a higher level. 

 

Not only does the individual lose out, but our entire society does. American students’ performance is mediocre as compared to other nations. Although the United States has spent the most resources on schools than any other nation, the performance of students has fallen to the midrange in academics. When these US students go into the competitive business world, their lackluster performance becomes evident. They are often unable to compete with foreign co-workers. Our economy is being negatively affected by young workers who are unable to accurately assess themselves and accept criticism to improve job performance. 

 

Many current graduates have received high academic grades without learning many

critical thinking skills and historical facts. The lack of knowledge about our founders who overcame incredible hardships to accomplish unthinkable feats is no longer able to inspire students. They lack high expectations and toughness to persevere until reaching their goals successfully. Too many of these youngsters expect the same unearned accolades when competing with more hard-working, accomplished people.  

 

Having high false esteem is an albatross around any person’s neck. They will be disappointed at every turn because they were overlooked for promotion, did not receive a raise or were demoted. Often, they are shocked that superiors expect so much more from them than they are ready to give. Too many graduates are not prepared for the vigor of competing with motivated, hard-working competitors. Becoming part of the working world with a large dose of false esteem is often an ego crushing experience. 

 

Many of these “disabled” individuals are unable to accept negative feedback. They are not ready for honest feedback and often perceive it as unfair and unwarranted. These pampered, “old youngsters” are stunned to deal with the harsh reality of the working world.

 

Parents, teachers and other authority figures are not doing our children any favors by creating an impression that their performances are good when they are mediocre at best. This lack of honest evaluation is setting the child up for future devastating failure as an adult. 

 

Childrearing that sets high expectations and standards forces youngsters to realize that when they apply themselves with focus and determination, they can accomplish things they never thought possible. This is setting them up for success. There is no limit to the future of the person whose internal motivation sets his standards higher and higher. Determination, hard work and accurate self-evaluation beats any trophy given to anyone who just joins the team.

 

Unconditional positive reinforcement stunts a child’s development. Challenging and encouraging to always improve earns them the accolades they seek. Which do you want for your child?

 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a recent book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.