BULLYING DEFINITION HAS EXPANDED INTO MEANINGLESSNESS

BULLYING DEFINITION HAS EXPANDED INTO MEANINGLESSNESS

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Cambridge Dictionary: bullying- to threaten to hurt someone, often frightening that person into doing something they do not want to do.

Often the use of one’s size, brute force or an offensive object was used to physically intimidate. The common solution was to stand up to the aggressor or inform an authority figure to punish the person. Any show of strength or gumption more than likely would result in the bully finding a weaker character to be his victim. The idea was to show strength of character and you would not be a victim.

Currently the definition of bullying has expanded to all sorts of feeling nuisance.

When a person gets a message online saying they are stupid or fat from a person they know or do not know, the receiver of the message feels offended. It could be as meaningless as a negative description. You are short, ugly, tall, skinny, stupid and as silly as a pink elephant, whatever the person feels is “bullying.” The old saying “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never harm me” has practically disappeared from children’s culture.

Now it is if anything “hurts your sensitive feelings” it is a form of bullying. Using this subjective self-feeling means the definition has weakened our youth. A child calling another child “worthless” becomes a federal case to many. The parent of the offended believes they have the right and obligation to step into the middle of the incident and force the other child to apologize for harming their child’s feelings.  In today’s world the so-called “victimized” child does not learn how to appropriately fight back with words to stop the annoying situation or strength of character to just ignore it.

The parent’s, usually the mother’s, attempt at micromanaging are creating a disabled, pathetic wimp, Instead of encouraging their child to stand up to foul mouthed youngsters, they teach their child to run home, moaning to get their parents to handle the affairs with their peers.

This wimpifying of our children has resulted in some parents directly bullying other parent’s young children without consulting them first. The protective parents have become bullies in their own right to someone else’s child and miss an opportunity to teach their child the benefits of standing up for oneself.

The morphing of the bullying definition from physical intimidation to subjective feelings has broadened the definition to be meaningless. Many children now expect their parents to solve any emotional difficulties. Children are not expected to choose their friends carefully. They are no longer expected to stop playing and associating with people causing them problems.  Shrugging off stupid, nasty statements from others does not usually happen as the child’s feelings are too precious to suffer pain from name-calling. In other words, being tough and growing up to make better decisions about the people you pick as friends is no longer the child’s responsibility. Only by learning from one’s mistakes can an individual inoculate himself from repeating the same negative experience with their associates. When so called “friends” continually hurt a child, they are not friends. The person who says horrible things about you should simply be “unfriended.” They cannot be bullying you if the person cannot contact you because you blocked them on your social media.

Many of these uncomfortable interactions are voluntary. A person has to decide if the people and places they frequent are a negative or positive influence for them. When the negatives outweigh the positives it would be in the person’s best interest to choose someone else or somewhere else to go. Everyone is free and able to cut off a relationship when it is offensive.

Calling someone a bully should be reserved for serious acts of intimidation. If a person is stalking someone in school or the neighborhood and there is no way to avoid it, this should be reported to the proper authorities. These people, teachers, ministers or police have the responsibility to prevent this type of behavior and protect the youngster from harm.

A parent directly confronting another’s child is unacceptable. It could lead to charges of child abuse. Moreover, it is a terrible thing to deny their own child the opportunity to handle his own affairs. In fact, the parent should train their child in order to survive when they are no longer there. A child should not be considered to be fragile. When parents teach and encourage the child to stand up rather than be victims they will not use the bullying excuse to have others fight their battles for them.

Expanding the definition of bullying to include almost anything is destructive to the child, the parent, family and society.  We are developing fragile personalities who do not have the strength to deal with the common challenges life hands us.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.