FEAR OF USING PUNISHMENT IS WEAKENING OUR CHILDREN’S CHARACTER

FEAR OF USING PUNISHMENT IS WEAKENING OUR CHILDREN’S CHARACTER

By Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D. Traditional Realist

Our modern culture has emphasized that positive reinforcement is the solution to raising healthy children. By eliminating negative reinforcement children will develop a higher self-esteem and more appropriate behavior. There will be no self-doubt and anger that come with any form of punishment.  Employing the reinforcement schedule of 8 positives to 2 negatives our children will become successful people of substance. Everyone will find these young people friendly, helpful and cooperative to others.  It is the perfect profile of a person for fitting into a materialistic world.  It just has not happened.

The reality of giving 8 positives to every 2 negatives is a difficult task for parents and loved ones. The parents and other adults have to be with the child intimately for many hours each day.  B.F. Skinner gave a pigeon a food pellet every time it made the right action, which took diligence and continual observation. Reinforcement has to be diligent and often upgraded to remain as an effective tool for the maturing child. It is not happening.

The obvious problem to this method of shaping behavior in our modern culture is that most parents are at work and not at home. The babysitter or preschool teacher usually has more quantity time with the child than does the parent. Modern parents often have minimal to no time to interact with their child. These parents want to appease their child to decrease their own guilt for being absentee parents. Many children attempt to gain their parent’s attention by doing inappropriate things.

This is a significant dilemma for the parent who corrects the child’s behavior according to modern psychological tenets. It can cause feelings of rejection and unnecessary stress for both parents and child. The most common response of today’s parent is to ignore the child’s inappropriate actions as pleasantly as possible to avoid any unnecessary incidents. This causes frustration and aggravation for both. The parents are constantly reminded that they should spend quality time with their precious child. Quality time should be a contented period when the child and parent are supposed to bond.

The tragedy of this scenario is the child is ultimately the loser. He is never taught what is the appropriate behavior. The child becomes more prone to do whatever comes into his mind rather than please the parent by doing the right thing. The child learns to “do his own thing” rather than the socially approved thing. The child starts to believe he has the inherent right to do anything he feels like doing. Since children are not being taught boundaries of right and wrong they get into the habit of doing and feeling anything they do is acceptable. These children do not develop social skills like manners, appropriate space, kindness, perseverance and conflict resolution. When many modern children enter school they are psychologically labeled for the parent’s lack of appropriately socializing them. Their child’s shortcomings are often amplified when they enter college and the work force. These young adults do not know how to make eye contact, follow through on assignments in a timely manner or handle criticism.

The university environment has become the natural extension of the lenient approach to immature and antisocial behavior. Cry closets, nap stations, and safe spaces have been established to protect student sensibilities and allow greater tolerance for angry outbursts against anyone who possesses different ideas and opinions. Even campus police are trained to overlook abusive and illegal behaviors. These “privileged students” have been given special consideration to placate the parents who are paying their outrageous tuition fees.

Probably the most devastating event of removing punishment for destructive behavior from the lives of our children is the weakening of their character. Our modern children are not being taught to sacrifice for the future or accept the consequences for their counter productive decisions. These overly positive-rewarded people at times need punishment to keep from going further down a negative road.

Sufficient punishment for obnoxious and dangerous behavior alerts the individual that pain is going to be associated with his inappropriate action. Punishment inhibits behavior, which is essential for maturing into a strong, moral person not a fragile one.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.