ADORING YOUR CHILD IS NOT ENOUGH

ADORING YOUR CHILD IS NOT ENOUGH

By Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D., Traditional Realist

You give but little when you give of your possessions, it is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kalil Gibran

The current ideal concept for parents is that children should be happy to develop automatically into a well-rounded human being. Unconditional love received by the child would be an elixir for their entire development. A loved child would naturally blossom for they feel the safety and protection of the most significant people in their early life: their parents. Only adoring parents will produce productive, successful children.

It is obvious that a child facing his early life without parental love is more prone to psychological issues. The lack of having a significant person to meet his needs and wants leaves him deprived, insecure and depressed in too many instances. The child will suffer scars although going down this path could temper him to be tougher and more independent to struggle his way to success.

Living for one’s child is becoming more prevalent with a proliferation of single child families. Even with larger families, parents feel obligated to fulfill their children’s unlimited demands for expensive, novel experiences and objects to demonstrate their love. Parents who instantly meet the needs of their precious child’s every need and want can smother their child’s development of independence while fostering parasitic behavior. A child highly dependent on his parents can become a highly dysfunctional adult.

“Affluenza,” the ability of parents to give their children whatever  and whenever they want has not produced happy children. It has infected the spirit and soul of children. Many of the children who are given everything to appease them wind up without any concept of gratitude or empathy for others.

In our modern world love has become the giving of things rather than spending time and energy helping the child be a well rounded person. Parents sharing practical skills, knowledge and moral values assist the child to better face the future.  Children inculcated with moral values will have a moral compass. Without parents teaching these moral lessons children are vulnerable to negative peer pressure and evil.

Discipline is a higher form of love than mere affection and or be a dispenser of physical things. Disciplining a child to develop positive habits, strong work ethic, common sense, good manners, are gifts that are more complex and meaningful than simply transferring monetary wealth to a child. Anything that comes easy leaves just as easily. Trust fund babies are a testimony to this truth.

An individual who knows he is loved by others has a wonderful foundation for building emotional stability and self-worth, although the reality is these relationships will eventually end with death leaving the offspring to face reality without parental protection and assistance. Parents who do not give the child the necessary means to deal with the difficult realities of life will not fulfill their sacred duty of a parent to prepare the child to be able to live independently.

The parents communicate wisdom, giving the child a valuable gift. They become an integral part of the child’s thinking and behaving. These lessons in life strengthen when the positive results are seen over and over again.

Disciplining one’s child to deal with all aspects of reality is indispensible for his well- being and success. The child needs and deserves discipline. When the child is wrong he should be corrected in doing simple tasks such as chores as well as acting appropriately in a multitude of situations. A child is a work in progress that needs parental parameters to put him and keep him on the right track.

Discipline training is an essential part of loving ones child. It does not produce warm fuzzies but it is love. This training approach will be acknowledged and appreciated if he has matured when he has reached adulthood. The young adult will be grateful that his parents did love him enough to demand high standards to become an independent and successful adult.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.