LOW STANDARDS AND EXPECTATIONS CHEAT CHILDREN

LOW STANDARDS AND EXPECTATIONS CHEAT CHILDREN

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Most Americans realize giving everyone a trophy or certificate of excellence for participating in an event is patently absurd. Everyone cannot be equal in a performance. Ranking in dancing, skating, most valuable player or other contests has a large dose of subjectivity but there are obvious differences between contestants. The best and worst performers can easily be discerned although the best of the participants can be more controversial.

Competition usually brings out the best in a contestant; they try harder, concentrate more and increase their effort. In academics the drive to be number one in a penmanship, geography or spelling bee, artistic contest or any other competition normally improves the performance. The negative or even positive criticism may not be easy to accept but it opens the person to flaws in their presentation. It raises the standards and expectations for individual students.

Failure is essential to becoming a winner. Losing a contest in any area forces a person to analyze what they need to do for a better performance. It drives the individual to breakdown their performance into specific segments in order to improve their overall effort. Understanding the need to put forth the effort to do one’s best to move up in ranking becomes self-evident. Being ranked behind the other contestants in an event they need to make changes in their methods and strategy to gain the positive results.

As in any organization instead of working hard to improve some students spend their energy and time to keep others from striving to do better because it will reflect on their poor effort. Currently in school some students are negatively called “a try hard.” This is supposed to shame a child into being more like the low functioning students to keep expectations and standards down. “A try hard” earns his grades by honestly putting more effort into his studies. These students raise the standards and expectations of everyone in the class.

On the other hand, when parents or teachers lower expectations for the performance of an individual to protect him from disappointment it is a death sentence for his motivation. It says whatever you do is good enough, which is a direct pathway to mediocrity or worse.

Having few or no standards and expectations for children taking on traditional simple responsibility is even more devastating. Without learning how to complete more responsibilities competently as they become of adult age, the individual will develop limited abilities, skills and poor habits for maturing into a full functioning adult. These youngsters will be disabled when doing the things adults will expect them to do. The fewer simple independence skills they possess, the harder it will be for them to complete more intricate ones that are essential for them to be considered a functional adult.

The longer the parents attempt to protect the child from emotional pain of not doing an adequate job which does not measure up to others, the more the youngster will shy away from challenges. The competencies will not develop normally and the confidence will shrink. No pain, no gain does not refer only to body builders but to all aspects of a person’s development. Any emotional or social pain stimulates self-awareness of the individual’s personal reaction to critical or nasty remarks by others. It might temporarily trigger anger or depression in the child. When the individual realizes the nasty remarks were a reflection of the inadequacy or even self-loathing of the person who made the statements rather than an accurate assessment of him, he is better able to ignore or joke about the negative comment. This inoculates the person from “put downs” making him more able to handle situations like this.

Empathy for others comes not from wallowing in problematic circumstances but by overcoming them. Resolving formidable obstacles to achieve success motivates these strivers to realize their dreams. These doers do not allow themselves to blame past events or others for their lack of achievement. Since these individuals fought through their problems, they know persistence is the key to resolving difficult issues.

Low expectations make for a weak and eventually an angry unfulfilled character.  It is hard for a person who has given little effort to better his circumstances to admit to himself that he is his own worst enemy for being stuck as a loser.

Only through persistent hard work can a youngster learn that they hold the key for their own success. Parents and other significant persons in the child’s life can encourage and even insist the youngster do the assignments again to reach a level of excellence. Keeping standards and expectations low or non-existent is a pathetic and mean act for the child’s future. Once the child adopts high standards and expectations for himself, he is on a path towards a successful life.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.