“THE CHILD WAS BORN THAT WAY” IS NOT AN EXCUSE

“THE CHILD WAS BORN THAT WAY” IS NOT AN EXCUSE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

In our society a clubfoot, cleft palate or crossed eyes are a few of the human defects that have been corrected or eliminated. There are many other physical ailments that have been prevented through surgery, physical therapy, diet and medication. As these physical defects were resolved, mental health, behavioral and attitudinal issues have replaced them as significant impediments to a child’s development.

In our modern world there has been an avalanche of behavioral changes and attitudinal issues given psychological labels because of their ever-increasing frequency. Conduct disorder, hyperactivity, delayed development in many areas, explosive disorder, learning disabilities, dyslexia, and ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) are just a few. The list is growing exponentially with more and more difficulties that parents are not home to correct before they solidify into a habitual problem behavior.

Each child is unique, having strengths and weaknesses. Some are very compliant, and others become more defiant. Those who are defiant can learn to become more easy going. Too many children continue with their tendencies making them more and more obnoxious and difficult to deal with. When children are young their parents are supposed to be training them to be as normal as possible. Presently the concept of “normal” has been greatly expanded, losing its boundaries. Therefore, almost everything is acceptable. This is confusing to parents who were raised with specific behavioral expectations that were preferable to the ones their child currently exhibits. Parents were taught what was normal or abnormal when they grew up. Modern parents are ignoring many of their children’s embarrassing behaviors instead of changing them as a result.

One significant difficulty is there are too many children who have little contact with their mothers. Working mothers are at a greater disadvantage than stay at home mothers to assist their child’s development. It is difficult for them to know their child as well as they could with such limited time to interact with and observe them.

With both modern parents working, this job of training the child to be appropriate has often been turned over to surrogate parents and eventually a therapist. Usually the first thing the specialist does after the initial interview with the client and family is to create a treatment plan. Often the child is labeled with a medical or psychological diagnosis, which relieves parents of further responsibility. They only need to follow the professional’s prescriptions. This takes the parents off the hook for the lack of time spent in loving discipline and places it solely upon the youngster and therapist. Parents shirking their duty to teach their children how to act properly is unacceptable.

This leaves the child feeling he has a defect beyond his control and has to depend on the professional. As the child matures into an adult he becomes more of a victim. In his own mind he relies more on his diagnosis as an excuse for whatever he did not achieve, attributing it to the diagnostic label. This relieves him of personal responsibility.

Taking the child to an expensive professional who diagnoses the child with a mental disorder does not resolve the issue. The parents know they had a lack of time and did not take the opportunity to correct the child’s tendencies before they became habitual.

Currently a growing number of females are choosing to return to the role of being a mother at home. This decision by the parents to sacrifice their second income for their child’s well-being is a sacrifice that can pay great dividends.

Many parents are becoming aware that there are a series of problems with their lack of intimacy with their own child. A number of husbands are attempting to be the caregivers at home. This usually does not work very well. Men are usually not suitable for this task. Mothers, with their maternal instincts are better able to entertain, teach and nurture their children. Husbands can compensate for these natural feminine abilities but many men burn out with their lack of instinctual abilities and return to the workplace.

At the adolescent developmental stage, the parents will have to use tough love to save their child’s future. The parents need to end the child’s younger inappropriate behavior. They will be there for them, not to bail them out, instead to love and encourage them to personally take control of their lives. 

“The child was born that way” is a pathetic and false excuse. Discipline, love, intimacy and parental power lead the way to a normal, mature and successful adult.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a recent book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.