“THE CHILD WAS BORN THAT WAY” IS NOT AN EXCUSE

“THE CHILD WAS BORN THAT WAY” IS NOT AN EXCUSE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

In our society a clubfoot, cleft palate or crossed eyes are a few of the human defects that have been corrected or eliminated. There are many other physical ailments that have been prevented through surgery, physical therapy, diet and medication. As these physical defects were resolved, mental health, behavioral and attitudinal issues have replaced them as significant impediments to a child’s development.

In our modern world there has been an avalanche of behavioral changes and attitudinal issues given psychological labels because of their ever-increasing frequency. Conduct disorder, hyperactivity, delayed development in many areas, explosive disorder, learning disabilities, dyslexia, and ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) are just a few. The list is growing exponentially with more and more difficulties that parents are not home to correct before they solidify into a habitual problem behavior.

Each child is unique, having strengths and weaknesses. Some are very compliant, and others become more defiant. Those who are defiant can learn to become more easy going. Too many children continue with their tendencies making them more and more obnoxious and difficult to deal with. When children are young their parents are supposed to be training them to be as normal as possible. Presently the concept of “normal” has been greatly expanded, losing its boundaries. Therefore, almost everything is acceptable. This is confusing to parents who were raised with specific behavioral expectations that were preferable to the ones their child currently exhibits. Parents were taught what was normal or abnormal when they grew up. Modern parents are ignoring many of their children’s embarrassing behaviors instead of changing them as a result.

One significant difficulty is there are too many children who have little contact with their mothers. Working mothers are at a greater disadvantage than stay at home mothers to assist their child’s development. It is difficult for them to know their child as well as they could with such limited time to interact with and observe them.

With both modern parents working, this job of training the child to be appropriate has often been turned over to surrogate parents and eventually a therapist. Usually the first thing the specialist does after the initial interview with the client and family is to create a treatment plan. Often the child is labeled with a medical or psychological diagnosis, which relieves parents of further responsibility. They only need to follow the professional’s prescriptions. This takes the parents off the hook for the lack of time spent in loving discipline and places it solely upon the youngster and therapist. Parents shirking their duty to teach their children how to act properly is unacceptable.

This leaves the child feeling he has a defect beyond his control and has to depend on the professional. As the child matures into an adult he becomes more of a victim. In his own mind he relies more on his diagnosis as an excuse for whatever he did not achieve, attributing it to the diagnostic label. This relieves him of personal responsibility.

Taking the child to an expensive professional who diagnoses the child with a mental disorder does not resolve the issue. The parents know they had a lack of time and did not take the opportunity to correct the child’s tendencies before they became habitual.

Currently a growing number of females are choosing to return to the role of being a mother at home. This decision by the parents to sacrifice their second income for their child’s well-being is a sacrifice that can pay great dividends.

Many parents are becoming aware that there are a series of problems with their lack of intimacy with their own child. A number of husbands are attempting to be the caregivers at home. This usually does not work very well. Men are usually not suitable for this task. Mothers, with their maternal instincts are better able to entertain, teach and nurture their children. Husbands can compensate for these natural feminine abilities but many men burn out with their lack of instinctual abilities and return to the workplace.

At the adolescent developmental stage, the parents will have to use tough love to save their child’s future. The parents need to end the child’s younger inappropriate behavior. They will be there for them, not to bail them out, instead to love and encourage them to personally take control of their lives. 

“The child was born that way” is a pathetic and false excuse. Discipline, love, intimacy and parental power lead the way to a normal, mature and successful adult.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a recent book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

DEVELOPING INDEPENDENT SELF RELIANT STUDENTS

DEVELOPING INDEPENDENT SELF RELIANT STUDENTS

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Ideally the process of independence should begin in infancy as soon as a child begins to explore his environment. The selection of objects is important for the child to examine and begin to manipulate and move around in the beginning explorations of the world. The touching of objects hanging above his crib shows the infant that he can directly impact reality.

The process of the child’s natural cooing and babbling is an important opportunity for parents to assist the child’s speech development. Too many parents do not seem to comprehend the importance of facilitating their infant’s development. Instead of requiring the child to repeat a word before giving him an object he desires they read the toddler’s body language and respond to his needs or wants. On the other end of the spectrum many parents are oblivious to the child. In either case the language development is slowed or reaches a level of disability for the growing child.

The modern child development approach is not to train the child for independence but to enjoy and extend his childhood. This approach delays development in most maturational areas, which can lead to future disabilities. It is as debilitating as forcing him to enter the adult world before he is ready.

This period of childhood is a time when children have to develop in many areas such as emotional, physical, social, coping, communication, thinking and time management as well as developing moral values, spirituality and a presence of God. This is only a partial list but emphasizes the importance of laying a strong foundation to assess the youngster’s journey to independence.

The entrance into school is the second opportunity for the child to fill in his foundation. The teacher’s evaluation of the child compared to other children is often the first objective appraisal of the child’s abilities and skills. The parents and teachers have to work together to help the child be successful as an adult. This is a difficult process.

Almost every parent, especially parents of a preschooler truly believe that their child is exceptionally bright. Usually there are preschoolers that have knowledge and interest in certain areas and deficits in others. When they enter preschool it is up to administrators and teachers to give an honest evaluation of the child to the parents. By starting with the strengths, which the parents clearly comprehend, it establishes a positive bond between the administration and the parent. Any problem area should be expressed to the parents but always with a plan of action to improve and correct these weaknesses. The parents usually are less aware of these problems than they are of the child’s strengths. The child’s liabilities are often overlooked or placed on the back burner.

The assistance of the school to help their child should be communicated as a wonderful team effort, not an assault on the parent’s effectiveness. The parents and the school working together can create miracles. The working together between parents and school requires a long committed dialogue towards the development of a successful, solid student. Any sabotaging by the parents more often than not results in the regression of the student often ending in withdrawal from the program or school.

When an honest relationship between the parents and school is established the work begins in earnest to help the child become an independent learner. One of the first issues to be settled is how much assistance the parents should give to their child in completing schoolwork. Depending on the age of the student, the parental school involvement should decrease as the child advances into higher grades.

In preschool through the second grade, parents should establish a stable home schedule for eating, bedtime and waking. The parents should expect their child to do age appropriate chores well in a reasonable time. Reading to them and once the child begins reading; the child should read to the parents. Certainly the child should be corrected in speech, thinking, factual information and behavior and errors. Parents are instrumental in setting standards and expectation for facilitating their child’s character, moral values and cultural foundation. Most importantly they should spend “quantity time” interacting with and loving their child.

Any rote memory activities in school the parents can and should participate in at home like spelling words, math facts, vocabulary definitions and reinforcement of basic knowledge. General knowledge development is further ground for strong parental involvement. In higher elementary grades, 3-6, parental involvement should proceed with caution. The student should assume most of the responsibility for his own assignments. The parents should expect the school to give the students review assignments that they have been prepared to complete on their own.

Encouraging the child to be independent can be difficult for many parents, especially those with only a single child. Too many parents are unaware of the short time they have to prepare the child to become a fully functioning, independent adult. With the help of the teachers and staff the parents realize they have a finite time to prepare their child to be a young adult and their attitude turns towards encouraging independence training for the child.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

Parents are the Primary Teachers

PARENTS ARE THE PRIMARY TEACHERS

BY DOMENICK J. MAGLIO, PHD. Traditional Realist

A child’s education begins at home. Functional parents naturally provide role modeling that is fertile ground for the child’s moral, emotional social and educational development.  Children spontaneously imitate speech patterns, vocabulary, thinking and the value of continual learning of the parent. 

In the past families was a cohesive group that did almost everything together. Sitting down to meals, working around the house, recreation, visiting relatives, church attendance were practically rituals for the family.  It was the most important social unit in society.

Modern parents are often AWOL in crucial areas. Although parents work hard chauffeuring their children to extra curricular activities they miss the exposure to many of the child’s important behaviors.  Infants are often left in centers to be cared for by “professional” strangers. The majority of parents enroll their children in preschools instead of keeping them at home. Both parents often work long hours and are lucky to spend a few quality moments with their child.

Many parents take for granted the school is educating their child. This can turn into an educational disaster that can threaten the child’s abilities and opportunities to succeed later in life. Parents are the primary teachers. The abdicating of this responsibility is dangerous to society.

Parents are so preoccupied with their own careers that they assume their child is doing well in school since the report cards from early elementary normally indicate he is an A-B student. Often he is granted Honor Roll status. The child usually is a compliant child who stays out of any trouble at home and in school. 

This typical child’s academic, social and emotional issues are not being adequately addressed. Eventually in the transition to middle school or after a comprehensive state exam the parent becomes aware of a significant two-year or more deficit in one or several academic areas.  These problems prompt them to put the child in another classroom setting or school to avoid the stigma of being labeled or held back a grade.

Then reality hits them hard, the mother’s tears flow and the child realizes that his inflated grades can no longer hide the truth. The child does not know simple math no less algebra and/or is unable to write a coherent paragraph.  The student and parents are crushed knowing their options are not going to correct the errors of the past without a lot of work and pain.

Students being held back or labeled are only the tips of the icebergs. Both the parents and student have to accept they have been delusional. The child has to accept a drastic change in behavior and thinking to have a chance to rehabilitate himself as a student. The parents have to restructure their lives to make a total commitment to assist the child in filling in his academic and work ethic gaps. 

These incidents can be drastically reduced if parents would take the time to observe the child’s initiative, work habits and become aware of what the child actually knows. Reading the child’s reports and essays as well as reviewing math tests enables the parent to evaluate the child’s knowledge. Through daily monitoring and questioning the parents must maintain awareness of what the child is learning. There is no excuse for the parents not assessing their child’s education.

Modern parents can no longer rely on our dysfunctional education system to take over most aspects of their child’s life. We are supposed to protect and teach our children the things they need to know to prosper in life.

Casually leaving our children’s education to the schools is not a wise decision. Too many adults are more concerned with their pet’s grooming than with their child’s education. In school there are many social temptations, many opportunities to take short cuts such as cheating and little follow-up by teachers and administrators concerning academic deficiencies. Parents should more closely evaluate their child’s academics, social abilities and skills.

Parents can either shirk their duty to pass on their wisdom suffering the pain of a dysfunctional child or witness the child creating his own success.

The ability of their child to be self-reliant and successful lies primarily in the hands of the parents by training them to have positive habits, skills and values. The parents’ focusing on the children when they are young will reap them the satisfaction of participating in their success.  The legacy of their children is determined by how well they were able to train them when they were young.

It is not about spending more money on education but parents placing a great value on learning. Parental observation as well as direct involvement with the child’s academics and after school activities is powerful antidotes to preventing an inadequate and disabled human being.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

PRODUCTIVITY STARTS AT HOME

PRODUCTIVITY STARTS AT HOME

By Domenick J Maglio PhD.  Traditional Realist

Knowing how to become motivated to get things done needs internalization of many skills, habits and values. In the past the method of teaching youngsters how to work and enjoy the fruits of their labor had been a function of good parenting. It is becoming a relic of the past.

The proper way to clean a window does not come with a manual. Usually it was learned by the parent assigning a child the chore. Instructions of how to do it correctly may have become before starting it although in most cases it came after with a blistering critique of the less than stellar results.

 In the aftermath of cleaning a window a youngster would usually receive a politically incorrect critique of his failure to meet his parent’s expectation. The way to reach the level of quality might have been touched on but not clearly. It was up to the child to think the process through and then ask questions to fill in the gaps.

 The child in training was supposed to correct his own work deficiencies. This did not come from asking unnecessary questions to waste time but the knowledge came from replaying in his mind the parent’s reaction to the job he did.

Parents expected a high level of competency not only with chores but during the child’s school years. The child was expected to complete his assignments in a timely and correct manner. It was not the teachers or parent’s responsibility to remind the child. The youngster was supposed to obediently learn the lesson in whatever way he could or else. The “or else” usually did not have to be administered as the child knew the parent’s word was golden.

Modern parents are too harried to follow up their commands. Children quickly learn they are paper tigers. They keep on expanding the limits becoming obnoxious negotiators until they are able to do what they want.

Instead of parents becoming indignant because the child will not obey their directions, they feel guilty. They realize they do not have the close family experience that they enjoyed as children. The parents compensate by being friends since they do not have the time and motivation to be in charge parents.

The guilt driven parents are more protective of their child’s feelings. When the child is having difficulty in school they immediately contact the teacher to see how they can assist their precious child. The child’s ability to solve the problem he is facing is not seriously considered. They do not believe the child can work through his own difficulties he is facing in school.

We are not setting obligations for children to do things around the house. Children are usually given a free pass. Even the inconsequential things a modern parent asks a child to do to contribute around the house have to be incentivized with dollar bills. The price is negotiated which usually goes well for the child and poorly for the parent. The child receives his “allowance” regardless of the quality or timeliness in which the task was done. Our children are being conditioned to be lazy at home and at school. They do only what they want when they want to do it.

Successful people in whatever endeavor they choose have the ability to get things done well and on time. Often they have to do things they do not want to do because it is part of the job or is necessary for the sake of the business.

The goal of being good at whatever a person does guides him to use his time wisely. Developing good time management skills is encouraged by the person to get the finished product completed well in the shortest time period. When this is achieved through trial and error these people become experts in what they have chosen to do.

When a person brings something to be completed to an expert they agree to a price and time to complete the project. The higher the number of people who want his services indicates he will do an excellent job in the specific time period. This is the reason this expression exists: “ When you want to get something done, bring it to a busy person.” It holds true today as it did in the past.

The pathetic reality is modern parents have forgotten their major legacy is their children.  They are providing their children an affluent lifestyle but are not giving their child the ability to carry on their work ethic. Low parental expectations at home and at school are resulting in too many weak and lazy people who are not productive in their lives.

It is time for parents and grandparents to aggressively insist that children and grandchildren do better and do more. They need to hold these loved ones to a  standard no lower than the one they had. Anyone who becomes good in any profession has to continually push himself to reach the top. It starts at home.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

CROSSING THE RED LINE SHOULD EARN A SPANKING

CROSSING THE RED LINE SHOULD EARN A SPANKING

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Anyone who says “if you cross a red line” you better be prepared to keep your word or suffer the consequences. President Obama had stated to President Assad of Syria that the use of chemical weapons on his people would not be tolerated by the USA. It appeared President Assad crossed the red line on many occasions but nothing happened. This has caused America to lose its credibility as a super power in the eyes of the international community.  Currently foreign nations are testing our resolve to stand strong.

Parents also become a joke to their children when they say they are going to do something but they do not follow through. They also lose their credibility. The most common consequences that a parent uses when extremely frustrated is “you do that one more time and I will spank you.”  It never happens. The children learns to let the parent’s threats go in one ear and out the other, pushing the limits.

The lack of enforcing consequences not only at home, but at school and with law enforcement has emboldened teenagers to arbitrarily and viciously knock out innocent people for entertainment. It is called “the Knockout Game” but it is anything but a “game”. It is a vicious assault than has been fatal. This is spreading in our urban centers throughout the nation. It indicates these youngsters have never been taught to employ a moral compass.

These acting out youngsters have crossed the “red line” again and again until they believe they are entitled to do whatever they want. The lack of parental backbone is not only creating self absorbed, sociopathic youngsters but is undermining the stability of our schools, communities and our nation.

Modern parents go back to the old standbys instead of following up on their word. Time out, negotiating, ignoring, lecturing, appeasing, are easier for modern parents to attempt. These strategies are supposed to be performed without any emotional reactions. “Experts” preach that children should not experience a parent who resorts to corporal punishment. Any spanking even reasonable and moderate spanking is now believed by the majority of modern parents to be traumatic to the child, even though that has been shown by numerous studies not to be true.

The ignoring of poor choices in school leads to destructive behavior in other settings. Not listening to a parent or teacher mushrooms into other negative behaviors. The passive- aggressive, inattentiveness can morph into physical acting out on another. It often spreads to acting out in the community. If no other authority has stepped in to impact the child,  it ends with the criminal justice system finally meting out incarceration.

Children begin the journey of becoming out-of-control when parents are unwilling to follow through on what they say they are going to do. Being a parent is a sacred position that should not be ignored.

When parents abdicate their duty of molding their offspring's moral compass, it creates a ticking time bomb, which can impact any one of us. Knowing right and wrong should be established as early as possible in a child's life.

As my father would say, "it is easier to keep a straight tree straight then to straighten a crooked one." Moderate spanking at an early age quickly establishes a child's respect for the parent’s word and authority. The longer a parent waits to start the process of teaching the child wrong from right, the greater the punishment and the greater the frustration and the possibility of unnecessary collateral damage. There is a point in a youngster’s life, around 6 years-old, when spanking becomes ineffective and possibly abusive.

Just like a nation's foreign policy, the more quickly you make a firm statement of where the "Red Line" is and back it up with action if it is crossed, in the long run the better the outcome. A child testing the family's parameters reacts the same way to a reasonable punishment. They learn to listen. Just follow up a command that is broken with a swift spank on the behind and watch your young child learn to listen before he acts. This gift will encourage the child to think before acting impulsively, a major ingredient of self-discipline. Do it for the sake of your loved one.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

A CAUSE OF THE MORAL VACUUM IN SCHOOL

A CAUSE OF THE MORAL VACUUM IN SCHOOL

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Parental blindness of the child’s misbehavior and the unwillingness to listen to and respect the teacher's word has made it taboo for schools to confront inappropriate acts. This parents supporting of the child over the teacher has led to acceptability of antisocial behavior in our schools.

Schools prefer to keep parents content under the illusion their child is close to perfect. It is easier. From the school’s perspective it is much smarter to avoid a lose-lose bruhaha with parents and their children by overlooking lying, cheating, stealing and being lazy. The most efficient way to achieve this goal is to create a low stress and high enjoyment environment for students.

Entertaining students, not expecting much effort from them academically has become acceptable. Permitting them to socialize with peers however, whenever and wherever they desire is the norm. This permissive atmosphere reduces student gripes and attitude problems towards teachers, administrators and most importantly to parents.

Too many parents lie to themselves especially about their children’s school achievements. They put bumper stickers on their cars saying their child is “the student of the month” even though he shows poor academic ability at home. The parents bragging about their child's questionable skills and achievements is more about boosting their reputation as good parents. They rationalize this promoting behavior by telling others they are increasing the self-confidence of their child. Really they are creating a false reality for a less than competent student/youngster. This is not a protective act as it is setting up the child for future failure.

Modern parents want to be close friends who are able to share intimate feelings with their children well into adulthood. They believe their close relationship insures their child's telling them the truth. This is not the case. Children are not perfect: they lie. The trust level the modern parent has for his child is dangerously high.

This power of trust granted to children by their parents is foolish. Modern media culture through the Internet, social networks and targeted advertising along with increased peer freedom is a hazardous world for today’s students. It is crammed with life and death temptations.

In a student run asylum (school) the temptation to attempt forbidden behavior for peer acceptance is greater than ever before. Resorting to lying to cover up cheating, stealing and laziness is applauded by their peers as cool. In our present culture this is the most influential audience for the majority of youngsters.

This behavior of not being forthright even when caught red handed has become commonplace. Many students compete to be the "slickest con artist" rather than be as the openly defiant rebel that was fashionable in the past. The popularity of passing as an obedient student with authority figures while living a double life, as a devious troublemaker amongst peers is an attractive status creating many converts.

The lack of close supervision of student behavior and the built in policies to minimize any confrontation with parents has led to avoiding serious investigation of school incidents. By not determining the facts of the incident there is no need to identify the perpetrator or the victim. The difference between right and wrong is diluted.

It makes political sense from the school's viewpoint to ignore and when necessary to downplay any student problem by giving all participants the same non-serious consequences. In the short run no one involved suffers enough pain to raise a stink with his parents. The long-term result of this approach is horrendous. The moral climate of the school is drastically decreased. The worst and sneakiest students thrive while the good, naive youngsters withdraw and become perennial victims.

The unintentional lesson being taught at our facilities is immoral behavior works. The epidemic of cheating on SAT tests and school officials lying to protect their involvement is only the tip of the iceberg. Lying and cheating have not only become acceptable but a good cheater and liar has become revered in our schools. Studies of student’s cheating have shown a drastic increase over the past 50 years. 80% of the country’s best students cheated to get to the top of their class. Our society is not only ignoring the cheating but is rewarding it.

It is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children that they will punish them wherever they are. Parents should appreciate other authority figures taking time and effort to teach their child that lying and cheating do not pay, not condemn them.

Everyday we fight to protect our children from the consequences of their poor decisions. It is another lost opportunity to develop a strong moral foundation in our children. By parents joining hands with conscientious community leaders to support appropriate consequences for misbehavior. This would bring meaning to the expression “crime does not pay.”

Creating a solid moral foundation in our children is the most important legacy parents can leave them to insure their success. Parents should be the leaders in their child’s moral development, not their personal apologists.

You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.com.

CHARACTER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIGH GRADES

CHARACTER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIGH GRADES

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Americans are losing the understanding of which priorities are important to their children and them. In this new millennium we have become obsessed with material wealth. The “its all about money era” has led us down the path of devaluating the importance of man’s character.

As long as you have money, regardless of how you attained it, you are a person to be admired. The pathetic, addicted Hollywood celebrities, crooked politicians and corporate CEOs have become the people we admire in our upside down culture. Our past national heroes and the unsung heroes in our lives living a good moral existence are ridiculed as uncool and boring. Morality has lost its importance.

Modern parents do not want their child to be morally corrupt but they will overlook lying, stealing and cheating as long as the child receives high grades in school. They believe high grades lead to a good university slot that means a BA, MA or PhD, which will guarantee their child a prosperous and happy life.

The over looking of moral transgressions at home and at school, as long as the bright child is receiving high grades, is foolish and short sighted. When children use lying and cheating to make good grades they may gain an advanced degree in their future but it forecasts trouble. It does not guarantee a healthy or worthwhile life.

Americans have been sold a ridiculous bill of goods about “intelligence.” The smarter your child is the more rosy her future. Modern parents focus on cognitive development and put character development at the bottom of the list of importance.

From birth there are educational toys hanging from the crib. Educational infant videos and programs play on the television screen and parents play teacher with colors, shapes, numbers and letters. At the same time they ignore outrageous, out-of-control behavior missing the importance of training a child to be an honorable human being.

When the child comes home from school with a note that he lied, stole or cheated, the parent’s first concern is whether it is going to affect his grades instead of being upset with his immoral behavior. Modern parents are blind to the significant negative impact of establishing immoral habits in their child’s future. The long-term effect of not following the 10 Commandments is being relegated to a non-issue although it means an under developed conscience that will lead the child astray.

High grades and degrees may give a person more options and a higher level of entry into the workforce but it does nothing to guide him in making good decisions in his life. Regardless of the grades or degrees a young person has obtained, misconduct can stain his reputation and label him for life.

Modern parents are often delusional about how much power they have to protect their child. When a child reaches 18 years old his behavior is no longer the responsibility of the parents. The young adults become accountable for their behavior.

Modern parents need to reevaluate the amount of importance they are placing on their child’s academics. Plagiarizing at college, the use of addictive substances, stealing or lying to authorities can result in criminal charges for college students even from the most powerful families. Even if a person is able to avoid detection by authorities immoral behavior in personal relationships with a spouse, children or co-workers frequently leads to personal tragedies, mental instabilities and mental illness.

Moral education in the long run pays greater dividends than the ability to impress how smart a person is or his ability to achieve in an ivy tower environment. A person of good character is dependable and trustworthy even when no one is looking over his shoulder.

Parent’s insistence on their child doing what is right is the most important gift they can provide for him. A child with a highly developed conscience places him on automatic pilot to be shielded from people going down a spiritually destructive path. When a person is doing right he has less time to do what is wrong.

The guidance system of good character training is a parental legacy. Their offspring will acknowledge this legacy with gratitude as they experience the pressures of evil they face directly in the adult world. There is nothing more gratifying than living a spiritually, solid, balanced and healthy life.

A child with strong moral character has a better chance of negotiating the immense number of temptations he will have throughout his lifetime. Morals inoculate a person against evil forces. Without a strong moral compass many people make horrible choices that bring shame and harm to themselves and others.

You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.com.

MICRO MANAGE THE CHILD AT HOME NOT AT SCHOOL

MICRO MANAGE THE CHILD AT HOME NOT AT SCHOOL

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Modern parents too frequently have things reversed. They are permissive at home allowing their children to do and have whatever they want. They do not set limits on behavior or teach moral values that assist youngsters in fulfilling their goals.

However, as soon as the child leaves the nest and enters school the parents attempt to micro manage the teacher’s actions with their precious child. The parent’s unrealistic hope is their child will be treated as if he is the only child in the class. They believe their child’s uniqueness, lack of conformity and the parent’s self-important status requires him to be treated as special.

Parents are worried the teacher might treat their child abruptly and harshly to bring his behavior inline with age appropriate behavior. These parents do not understand that meddling in school, the first opportunity the child has to function independently outside the home, is going to hinder his maturing into a functional person.

It is true that all of us are different and develop at different rates but we still have to conform to certain expectations and standards of behavior and moral values to make us culturally appropriate. When these lessons are not learned at home, it falls on the school to inculcate them. This task becomes more complicated and difficult the older the child.

Teaching every rudimentary skill like listening, potty training, waiting one’s turn and following natural and logical rules is being delayed or totally ignored. Not everyone can be first in line. Since many students are coming from single parent homes without extended family involvement, they never learn the need to contribute to others. Almost all modern children have limited opportunity to share and contribute in these affluent times. Whatever the child desires is often given to him without question.

Since consequences for establishing certain important behaviors are often taboo for modern parents, they become irate when their child is subjected to these rules by the teacher. School authorities are supposed to use tender loving care to control their child even when he does not respond to it.

Teachers need to be allowed to give lessons that cannot be accomplished at home but many modern parents feel these methods are too strict. This means pointing out their child in front of the class for inappropriate actions is unacceptable. Withholding part of recess while holding the teacher’s hand or eating snack or lunch separate from others is seen as cruel and unusual punishment. Any consequence the child does not like the parents will find unacceptable.

Today’s children need to be told when they are doing something wrong to learn how to be successful. When the child gets home and complains about an incident the parents think they know from the child’s account exactly what took place. They do not wait to hear the teacher’s version. They come to school and tell the teacher, “my child was not disruptive nor does he lie,” therefore the teacher is immediately put on trial by the parent. Instead of questioning the child, the integrity of the teacher is questioned when it conflicts with the child’s story.

The days of parents punishing their child for a bad report card in support of the teacher’s authority are dead. We have come full circle. Previously the teacher’s word was respected. In any mention of misbehavior by the child, the child was wrong and the teacher was right. Today any reprimand reported to the parent of the child’s behavior requires immediate notification to the parents or a conference. The child is innocent until proven guilty not by the teacher’s description of his misdeeds but by evidence of others besides the reporting teacher and a quasi admission by the child before the parent is convinced.

Without the teacher and parents being on the same page the child suffers academically and socially. When parents attempt to micromanage the school it is a losing proposition. However, parents micro managing their child at home will increase the probability the child will have the skills and values to make an easy and successful transition from home to school.

The parent’s diligence in observing and following up on the child’s behavior at home would automatically substantiate the fact that their child is far from perfect. This observational knowledge of their offspring’s real nature not their projection of the child’s ideal behavior will help them empathize with the teachers instead of resisting their efforts.

Parents will feel more comfortable to support authority figures by getting out of their way. This increased confidence in the teacher’s insight into their child’s mind and behavior makes it easier for them to ally with the teacher. This alliance between the parent and the teacher is essential in helping the child become the best he can be.

You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.com.

The Issue is Neglect Not Abuse

Through “group think,” the progressive elites made spanking an abusive act that most people believe is illegal. Although no law has been passed making spanking illegal in any state of the union it has turned many against parents who sternly discipline their children. Americans are being reported to government officials for doing their duty of teaching their children right from wrong. No parent wants government bureaucrats to march into their homes making their lives a living hell.

The response to this intimidation has been for parents to back off teaching their children appropriate behavior. Instead of giving an effective consequence like a spank on the toddler’s behind, parents have learned it is easier to ignore bad behavior. Parents intuitively know that not doing anything when their child acts out is less offensive than taking a stand in our PC culture. In our modern society when a child acts out parents usually just lazily tune out and do nothing.

Ignoring bad behavior produces a maladaptive child. When parents begin to dislike their own misbehaving children, they find ways to avoid being around them. This leads to leaving them a little later at after school programs or at friends' homes before coming to pick them up, going into another room to get away or just coming home later and later to spend less and less time with their child. By not being there, the parents are neglectful.

Neglect, not physical abuse is the number one culprit in damaging children in our modern culture.

“1 In 50 Infants Neglected or Abused, Study Shows,” is the title of an article by Mike Stobbe, April 4, 2008, Tampa Tribune, page 5. The title is misleading as almost 87% of the 1 in 50 children are neglected while only 13% of the children were abused. The overwhelming problem in America is parental neglect, not abuse.

Yet the brainwashing continues that any and all spanking is abusive while the main issue of neglect is kept quiet. The higher socioeconomic forms of neglect are not even being considered no less addressed.

Neglect is usually less traumatic than physical abuse although it can be even more damaging to a child’s development. Without parents dedicating their time and energy to training their children to societal standards, children will be deficient in emotional and social areas. Problems in these areas make children susceptible to drugs or alcohol because they have a strong need to fit in. The neglect of these children’s normal needs leads to antisocial and self-destructive behavior.

The profile of the majority of parental villains in our culture is not a crazed, violent parent but a detached, inconsistent one. A parent who emphasizes only the “show off” skills to impress people with his bright child while neglecting the emotional and social nurturing is creating a self-centered, ticking time bomb.

By concentrating on the extreme cases of physical abuse, we as a nation have handcuffed parents from doing their duty as the first teachers of their children. Frightened, absent or uninvolved parents cannot raise a healthy child.

For their first 18 years our society should expect parents to consider their children as one of their top priorities. In public citizens should compliment parents when they have well behaved children. Appropriate discipline of a rude child should receive a smile of approval instead of a frown of disapproval. A conscientious parent is a blessing to the children and to our nation.

Parents need to feel free to do all the things necessary to do their job. Kissing and spanking are natural practices of nurturing. We should not stigmatize these acts as potentially physical or sexual abuse or we suffer the consequences of parental non-involvement.

“Do gooders” in government and the media should step aside and leave parenting to parents. The family has proven to be the best social unit in producing healthy children. Parents need to be appreciated for all the sacrifices they make for their children not treated like perennial child abuse suspects.

Truly abusive parents stick out like a sore thumb and should be prosecuted by law enforcement not by overzealous “remake the world” social workers. Modern parents need to stop thinking about how they may appear abusive to “busy body know-it-alls” and act in the best interest of their child.

Dr. Maglio is the author of Invasion Within and Essential Parenting. He is a psychotherapist and the owner/director of Wider Horizons School. Visit: www.drmaglio.com.

Parents Expect Teachers to do the Parent's Job

“Obedience is the foundation of all learning.” Ben Franklin

Many children are told by their parents to eat their food and they don’t. Their bed time is 7:30pm and they mess around until 9 or10 o’clock. “Brush your teeth,” and the child merely pretends or does not do it at all. Finally the child crossed the line, looks straight at his parents and says, “No.” Most of this happens before they leave the toddler stage.

Too often students listen better to their teachers than to their own parents. The parents are not indignant about being ignored by their children. They are not ashamed of their inability to get their children to listen to them. These parents feel the lack of children following their commands is acceptable for them and the future of their children. It is not.

The explanation for their nonchalant attitude in disciplining is parents no longer view this as their responsibility. Eventually the child will reach school age and the teachers will train them. The modern parents lack of anxiety about the future of their child should be frightening to all of us. Functioning adults are necessary for a free society.

Teachers may have good intentions to change the bad habits of students but this is a monumental undertaking. The foundation of these behaviors was laid at home before they entered school. Parents will continue to take and uninvolved, lazy approach to disciplining until they realize they have the power to develop good habits to maximize the chances of the child’s success. Many parents ignore this reality as it is labor intensive.

It is easier to think everything will naturally fall into place as their child grows older. This may be true in a primitive culture although it is absolute nonsense in a highly civilized society. Skills and habits need to be demonstrated, practiced and perfected under the supervision of the parents to shape certain aspects of the child’s character.

Today’s parents believe they should not be held accountable for their child’s actions although they are ready to scrutinize each and every teacher’s impact on their child’s performance. They question every teacher’s methods to see how they are going to improve their child’s grades and behavior. Some parents even want to wash their hands of any and all responsibility for the child’s performance at school.

From the first day a child enters school, the handprint of the parent can be seen on the behavior of the child. Many children are well socialized knowing what to do at school although they may act the opposite at home. The inconsistent enforcement of the rules at home encourages the child to play manipulative games. These games push the limits enough to make the child think he won while the parents throw their hands up in frustration defeat. Many parents find it easier and more comfortable to isolate themselves from their children by doing their own activities without the children.

The children “win” disregarding the power of their parents but “lose” by developing bad habits. Instead of eating their entire meal, they eat only what they want. They often refuse to eat breakfast and play numerous games to avoid going to bed on time. These children don’t even follow commands and act as if they do not care about the punishments meted out. The parents are not only inconsistent but they begin to feel hopeless and powerless. Their last desperate hope is that their children will outgrow bad behavior by going to school.

Children may make a turn about in front of a new authority figure like a teacher but eventually their bad habits will resurface. Going to bed too late and not eating correctly results in a lack of energy, frequent illness and inability to concentrate. Frequent swings of attitude and performance in school can be traced to little structure and inconsistent discipline at home. The victim is the child.

When parents realize increasing structure and expectations at home positively affects the child’s education, they will correct the mistakes of the past. For many loving parents this empowers them to be more demanding and less wimpy in dealing with their children.

When parents become accountable for doing their parental duties they stop relying on teachers to be surrogate parents. This results in their children doing better in school.

The most beneficial activity parents can do to assist their child in school is to teach them to listen. When children follow the instructions of their fathers and mothers they are more likely to follow the directions of their teachers. In school the child who listens and does what he is asked usually does better than the child that does not. The ability to listen assures success in school.

Dr. Maglio is the author of Invasion Within and Essential Parenting. He is a psychotherapist and the owner/director of Wider Horizons School. Visit: www.drmaglio.com.