DEMANDING THE CHILD CONTRIBUTE MEANS BETTER PERFORMANCE

DEMANDING THE CHILD CONTRIBUTE MEANS BETTER PERFORMANCE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD.  Traditional Realist

Modern parents are afraid to use their power. Many parents are under the illusion from the psychobabble experts that their child will permanently reject them for their shortcomings. This nonsense has become an accepted fact in our pop culture persuading parents to believe the best policy in dealing with children is to be innocent bystanders.

These paralyzed parents do not use their power to set limits, expand frustration tolerance and encourage contributing to others, are producing unhealthy, unhappy and ungrateful people. The importance of personal responsibility and perseverance is not being instilled at an early age and for that matter any age. These values and many others do not develop on their own.

In our modern society children “doing their own thing” means doing only what they want to do at a particular moment. This phenomenon is an abdication of parental responsibility. It borders on neglectful behavior in child rearing, as they have not taught societal norms. The majority of them are allowed to do what they want.

These poorly trained children are ill prepared to be motivated students. They will have serious problems maturing into successful students or healthy adults as we all have to do many things we would rather not do. Cooking, organizing, cleaning, repairing, washing, painting or studying are often necessary hassles that have to be done before a person can move on to the things they would like to do.  These everyday tasks have to be done to create an organized and pleasant environment to allow us to reach our goals.

A person who has low frustration tolerance to complete repetitive activities is handicapped in dealing with everyday obstacles in life. The simplest endeavors become overwhelming to the individual. A child who is finding a subject difficult in school instead of doing the drills and tasks to master it will just shut down losing any chance to overcome the difficulty. Then they fall behind.

Instead of being indulgent friends, parents need to prepare their children to learn the skills needed to deal with the real world. Parents have to demand the child do things especially if he does not want to do them. The parents "will power" can be transferred to the child to motivate him to finish unappealing activities. This is a wonderful gift to give one’s child.

Parents have a short time to train their child before he reaches adulthood at age 18. By using the external power of their position as heads of the family, parents can and should motivate the child to complete an activity. The occasions where encouragement fails demands should be used.

As the child completes and succeeds in the task, he learns he can concentrate his energies to accomplish tasks. He experiences a sense of accomplishment in doing a good job becoming more independent and competent. This self-competence learned by mastering chores well propels the student to apply himself to difficult academic subjects until achieving success.

With tremendous effort teachers can correct student laziness and apathy. However, it is easier and more efficient for parents to use their parental power to establish the need for their child to give back to the family. The more a child learns to do for others, the more likely he will do for himself.

Throughout history there has been no substitute for the family as the most effective social unit in creating a stable and prosperous society. A child in a high functioning family normally develops a strong work ethic. He will not play ridiculous games to avoid his work. He will focus to complete the assignments sooner rather than later. There will not be an inclination to spend hours looking like he is busy when he is daydreaming, looking at the ceiling or out the window.   

Parents’ duty is to train their child to give back to the family. Being a straight talking, high expectation parent pays dividends as the child matures into a young adult. More often than not as a young adult, the child will appreciate his parents shaping him into a strong functioning person, able to be a productive member of the family and society.

Dr. Maglio is an author and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

LISTENING AND QUESTIONING ARE OUT OF FAVOR

LISTENING AND QUESTIONING ARE OUT OF FAVOR

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

In our electronic age information is at our fingertips. "Googling" has become a verb. Google it and, wala! the answer appears. We do not have to listen and question to know what to do. Cyberspace will do it for us. The old skills of studying and observing are passé. There is no studying of diametrically opposed sides of an issue to arrive at an answer. Now the answer from the Internet is beyond question.

No wonder people are not talking to each other, they already know everything.  They are talking at each other, above each other but not to each other. On television, guests are not sufficiently polite to wait until another person finishes a sentence before they start talking. Individuals yelling at each other have become the norm of modern talk shows and too often general conversation.

Hollywood celebrity style, self-promoting antics have been adopted by our younger population. Our egos have expanded to the point that we think any mundane thing we do is of interest to others.  Youngsters and young adults do not speak to each other, they just text and tweet a whole group of superficial acquaintances. Most of the individual's instant messages (IM) are centered on their ordinary activities which are as interesting as watching grass grow. It is dulling their minds.

The skills of listening and questioning are not being taught at home. Parents cannot find the time to sit down with their children to discuss the events of the day. There are few discussions around the dinner table. Families eating together have practically become extinct as is meditating on a question.

Children do not learn to listen because many parents walk away from the responsibility of following through on their word. When the parent gives specific instructions to the child, he brazenly disregards them. The child does what he wants rather than what he is told. Parent’s authority is at best, weak, and at worst non-existent.

Rather than reinforcing the wife's power with the children, most fathers blow off that duty. Parental authority is not earned because both parents refuse to spend the necessary energy to confront the child's know-it-all attitude.

Our public schools have become so large the staff-student interaction has become totally impersonal. Students have many contacts with different specialists who have short daily intervals with them. Most social interaction of students is not with teachers but with their self-absorbed peers who are trying to impress each other with their worldliness of our celebrity culture.

Knowing the latest celebrity singer and her “partner” is more important than any academic skills and facts that would expand the power of the mind. Most modern children are not learning from listening to and studying their most significant role models, their parents. The children have no need to ask questions as they think they already know everything. Even if they wanted to ask questions, there would be no reason to ask them when there is no one to answer.

The skills of listening and questioning are becoming lost arts. We are already suffering from our young people’s inability to learn from their elders who develop wisdom from experience. This wisdom is being lost by the future leaders.  Our younger generations are susceptible to destructive fads and political indoctrination. Their self-evolved lifestyles make them devoid of depth of knowledge and thought.

Most modern adults are so self-absorbed as well; they are unwilling to spend their time and energy to share their limited knowledge with others especially their children. We have more information than ever before but much of it is false. The lack of listening and questioning by our younger generations is frightening for our nation to survive. Our republic needs thoughtful and probing citizens to keep our leaders honest serving the people’s interest not their own.

Listening and questioning should be nurtured at home. We need to bring back wholesome family units to keep our society on solid footing or we will lose our constitutional freedoms.