DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I’LL TELL YOU

 DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I’LL TELL YOU

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Modern children frequently do the exact opposite of what parents tell them to do. The children go on their merry way doing what they want to do. In other words, modern children do not listen well to commands from authority figures, including parents. This phenomenon has been going on for many generations since the late 1950s. Parents lost their power during the era of Dr. Benjamin Spock and his “bible”, Baby and Child Care. This practically eliminated the practice of spanking a child on the behind to get his attention so he would listen to the parents. 

 

This loss of power by parents changed the American family’s discipline creating a revolution in the American culture. Children started to talk back to their parents and even punished them by being more contrary and even screaming back at the parents’ commands. 

 

Children became empowered to challenge their parents by not listening to them. Parents turned to soft, gentle, loving suggestions that were still ignored. This did much more than change the American families, it created a drastic change in the American culture. 

 

As the ridiculous message of becoming a friend with your child was reinforced by so-called child development experts, it gained almost biblical certitude. The traditional spank became a vicious act. The ineffective “loving chat” with the child ended with a smirk on the child’s face. Almost as soon as the child escaped from the “loving chat” they immediately returned to their antics.  Even with obtaining specific bribes promised by the mother, the child went right back to destructive behavior but with greater intensity. 

 

The gentle approach of authorities: grandparents, law enforcement, and others does not work in our modern culture since this gentle and sweet approach to discipline has turned adults into more non-compliant citizens. “Don’t tell me what to do, I’ll tell you,” has become an increasingly voiced attitude of citizens towards any authority figure that attempts to tell them what to do. The children who were allowed to get in the last word now are adults who are doing the same thing. 

 

“My child should not lose privileges for annoying behavior and deserves special treatment to succeed which ultimately is the teachers’ responsibility.” To these parents this means it is the teacher’s job to be sure my child gets higher grades. No extra homework or consequences should be assigned.

 

Powerful organizations have started to dictate to opposing groups or people that they will prevent them from operating by cancelling them. Celebrities, politicians, products, and even historical figures have received attempts to eliminate them, some attempts are successful. We see tearing down beautiful historical statues to eliminate their historical significance and hear reporting of ugly rumors and lies to downgrade the reputation of opposing people or groups. 

 

Cancel culture is an attempt to eliminate anyone who says something contrary and damaging to a particular person or group. It can be a company like Parler, specific celebrities, or politicians who support a cause that is offensive to another’s interest. It can be a political idea like stopping tearing down statues. Rather than discussing the idea like mature adults, cancel culture requires that we must destroy those who believe or think differently. 

 

In the past when parents were the boss in no uncertain terms, teachers, police officers, judges and the majority of governmental officials stood on the side of order and justice They were backed by the majority of Americans who understood the importance of law and order even when the decision went against their own cause. The entire concept of authority figures is not just being questioned but disregarded as not worthwhile. 

 

Where did this disrespect of authority figures come from? The lack of fathers or mothers, dysfunctional families, the disrespect of male discipline, not following the Biblical discipline of children, and the ridiculous psychological diagnosis of children with no plan of how to remedy the misbehavior. Creation of disorders by withdrawing traditional discipline is the driving force of much adult disobedience.

 

Instead of civil, peaceful discussions, we have tantrums similar to what a child does with his parents. We too often do not discuss, just demand what we want instead of weighing what is best for solving a particular dilemma. 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE ARROGANCE OF IGNORANCE

 THE ARROGANCE OF IGNORANCE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Too many Americans are ignoring what is happening around them. Some people do not want to listen to the news as it often points out some negative issues that are surrounding us. The old adages, “Ignorance is bliss,” “no news is good news,” “put your head in the sand” often mean to block out harmful events that will keep you up at night. 

 

Ignoring the world around us creates ignorance. Many Americans are doing this. Too many of us do not want to hear what is happening around us and to us no less what is taking place in hotspots around the world. Most Americans rather watch comedies, fantasies, or sports rather than learn what is happening with our own government’s decisions on domestic and foreign policies. Some of these decisions directly affect our lives but much of the population does not know about it. Many of us are ignorant of government actions as we do not want to think, decide, or have to worry. It is much easier to ignore the world around us than to take a stand. 

 

In the past parents wanted to know from teachers, neighbors, and family members how their children acted when not in their house, especially if they acted inappropriately. The parents understood that most children acted better when the parents were nearby then when they were unsupervised in the community. Formerly parents were concerned about keeping their children on the straight and narrow path. They were aware that there were many temptations outside the home. 

 

Today some parents are incredibly naïve and lazy. They are not aware, or they do not want to think that their children can be influenced by others.  They may not want to know that children can create devastatingly horrible lies and do other negative behaviors that their children can imitate or even initiate. Many modern parents want to believe they are such good role models and perceptive individuals that their children could not hide any negative actions from them. 

 

When these parents learn about any negative behavior from their children’s friends, they cannot fathom that their own children might be inclined to participate in this behavior. The parents first reaction is to blame the adult in charge for allowing the inappropriate behavior or blame the other students but never their own children for bringing some obnoxious behavior to the group.

 

Many Americans have both parents working in fulltime professions. These parents can hire nannies and put their children in private schools. Their children are often dressed well, are polite, and have good manners. They have learned the art of hiding any misbehavior. Their sneakiness deserves high grades. When these children are caught doing something inappropriate, they are experts at stringing a reasonable story to get them out of any significant consequences. 

 

These families with all their affluence realize their children are arrogant and ignorant of their subject matter. They have been dishonest about how well they were learning and doing. The report cards and notes inform the parents that the student is not applying as great an effort in their academic studies as they say they are doing.

 

The parent must accept their child is being dishonest with them and that the parents were not being honest with themselves. The parent finally realizes they were too blind to accept other professional’s observation and appraisal of their children. They have to admit even at home they let many inappropriate behaviors slide to the point the children become professional liars to others and to themselves. 

 

Ignoring one’s own children’s statements, actions, and other authority figure’s assessments is not a good policy to raise outstanding young people. Parental ignorance of their children behavior leads to a false arrogance that eventually may end with a less than happy ending.

 

What modern parents need to do in our world today is to return to verifying their child’s word by looking over their assignments and tests. This verification process will keep the adolescent on an optimal pace to produce a higher quality of work every time. Honesty of one’s performance makes the individual better able to improve resulting in more learning and in better grades.

 

Knowledge is power especially in keeping teenagers motivated. When loved ones know the accurate level of their child’s achievements and/or failures it keeps the person humble and hungry to do even better. The honesty of performance keeps youngsters focused on improving in every way. This results in heightened focus and better performance. 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOUR SCHOOL TAXES SHOULD RESULT IN QUALITY EDUCATION

 YOUR SCHOOL TAXES SHOULD RESULT IN QUALITY EDUCATION

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Most citizens pay significant taxes whether or not they have children to cover the approximately $10,000 per student spent for government schools in Florida. This is a high percentage of the average worker’s salary and an incredibly large portion of a retired person’s savings. We are constantly reminded our youngsters are the future of our nation. Our budget for government schools is one of the highest in the world.

 

If a student is in government schools and now in many states in charter or private schools, the future seems bleak. For no logical reason most government schools have eliminated the teaching of cursive writing. When adults hear about students no longer being taught cursive writing, they wonder how they are going to sign documents or read our founding documents. Life is sufficiently difficult without being limited by not knowing how to read cursive. 

 

The math program in our schools paid for by taxes should be understandable and taught in a reasonable, logical manner.  Math takes a high level of discipline to learn and retain the material correctly. A student has to memorize the basic adding, subtraction, multiplication and division tables. It takes consistent practice to memorize and maintain them in one’s memory bank. Often it is a most difficult course for students.

 

Higher level math like algebra and calculus takes a more analytical system of thinking and computing. These courses are not required of all students as it was in the past. They are considered upper- level math programs that a student has to choose and qualify for by having excellent grades in prerequisite math courses. Higher math is a difficult course of study that demands constant commitment.

 

Dumbing down the curriculum and inflating grades has been a wonderful success in placating parents. It gives parents the impression that their child is being successful in academic areas. It should be a red flag if one’s child is receiving all As and never brings home any homework. Added to this is the fact that there are an overwhelming number of students receiving high honor roll status without dedicating much time at home for their work. The problem comes when at the end of year graduation, a high percentage of graduates received honors supposedly for being outstanding. The larger the number of students receiving this recognition, the lower the status. This means the acknowledgement is lessened since everyone is receiving it.

 

Who is the real victim in this charade? The parents paying outrageous taxes are not getting what they paid for in the long run: a quality education. Parents are learning that their child attained high grades, but it was less than honest. The parents are beginning to realize that they should have done a better job of checking their child’s work and discussing specific subject matter.

 

The only way to find out about your child’s education is to question them about different subjects they bring up at home. Questioning is the key to learning what one child has learned. The knowledge one’s child talks about can be expanded on through talking about the specific subject matter and questioning the child how it relates to other matters in life. 

 

Specific questions about the teacher’s method of evaluating the student in the class is a valid thing to discuss. This appraisal of the child should be followed up by meeting with the teacher. Talking directly to the child’s teacher would answer many issues that would allow the parents to better evaluate the teacher’s educational approach.  

 

Too many teachers frequently give too many do-overs, giving students more points than they legitimately deserve. A teacher might be rewarded for their permissive teaching, although the teacher knows they should be demanding more from the students. 

 

The individual who suffers the most and will pay the highest suffering for this charade is ultimately the student. Most of the students who received their diploma are happy to be praised for their supposed accomplishments until they realize they learned less than they needed to be successful in college. 

 

The reality is everyone is negatively affected by our incompetent educational system. Every citizen pays dearly for our educational fiasco and are certainly not receiving their money’s worth. 

 

Parents need to monitor their own child’s education closely, meeting with their child’s teacher to ensure the school is giving a quality education for their child. All citizens should critically question the school board members and superintendent about the quality of the education the students are receiving in the community.

 

Our children are our nation’s future.

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MODERN PARENTS ARE NOT ALLOWING THEIR CHILDREN TO LEARN FROM ADVERSITY

 MODERN PARENTS ARE NOT ALLOWING THEIR CHILDREN TO LEARN FROM ADVERSITY

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Children are born with certain tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses that evolve with time. There are numerous events that may alter and impact the trajectory of their future. The death of a loved one, a powerful person in their life, an accident, or a world calamity like a war or economic collapse can alter the child’s life. 

 

The life of a person does not follow a predictable straight line. It has many unexpected detours that changes the path and even the personality of the person. No fortune teller or rich, dominant parent can predict the future of their child. Life offers many surprises.

 

Too many of today’s parents want to micromanage their child’s life. They have little faith in them to learn from their own life experiences. These parents want to know and control every aspect of their child’s development including if an adult or another child treated them unfairly. Instead of telling their child that they can handle this specific situation by themselves, they immediately get an appointment with the coach or school to intervene in solving the child’s perceived dilemma with another child or their loss of playtime. Any difficult situation from the child’s perspective becomes the parent’s responsibility. They think they need to smooth the waters for the child to have time to become more competent in a host of areas. 

 

There is an overwhelming need by modern parents to protect their child from adversity. This demonstrates parents’ fear that their child is naïve or not resilient enough to learn from adversity or to withstand the rejection by another child or adult. 

 

In a person’s life many of our most impactful learning experiences come with pain. Working to reach a higher academic level or gain expertise in one’s professional career takes effort, stress, and diligence. Learning to improve in all facets of life teaches us that we are not as perfect as we thought. Unfortunately, this is necessary for them to improve and become more competent in many areas.

 

Parents have to stop trying to create a world that has no obstacles for their child’s development. The only way a child can become an independent adult is to learn from observation, through their experiences and that of others, plus their own decisions. Our failures are great learning experiences. Realizing what not to do is often more valuable than what to do especially in a complex society where evil is prevalent. Young children must learn cheating and many other behaviors such as sexual permissiveness, taking drugs, and lying can destroy the future of a person.

 

Overprotective and overcontrolling parents often do not give their children an opportunity to learn on their own from social difficulties. These children will have a difficult time learning to be open and resourceful in solving their own problems. Many of these children depend on their parents to guide them during difficult periods in their lives.  Therefore they will not perceive themselves as independent adults who can make positive decisions on their own. In essence, they will forever be dependent on their parents for guidance and insight.

 

The reality of being dependent on parents for one’s lifetime is that parents usually die significantly before their children. No matter how much a son or daughter wants to keep in contact with their parents, death has a high probability of putting an end to this hope.

 

This modern generation of parents does not appear to understand their major responsibility as a parent is not to pass on their wealth to their children but to give their children the insights and knowledge to assist them in living a life they had growing up. 

 

 Modern parents should learn to be mature enough to understand life is short with difficult episodes. Parents should be honest about their struggles overcoming difficult financial, health, mental, and physical issues. These difficulties should be shared with their children so that they understand that they can do the same when they face these problems. Parents sharing their overcoming of problems is a great gift to give one’s children. 

 

Modern parents should give their children the knowledge to deal with adversity. Instead of attempting to protect the child from confronting it. Protecting them from any unfairness including group discipline that the student feels in unfair is a formula for any person unprepared to face the world.

 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 EARLY DOMINANCE TRAINING AVOIDS DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD, Traditional Realist

 

Infants are untrained creatures that do whatever they want to do when they want to do it. They can easily pull down a valuable vase crashing it on the floor. They must learn to obey the word “no”. This necessitates that the parents teach that word by being consistent and strong in highlighting that “no” means stop. The parent must clarify that certain behaviors should never be done again. 

 

The list expands as the child grows. “Don’t throw things in the house,” Be gentile with the baby,” and “Don’t use that terrible word.” The number of things the child must learn as they mature also increases as they grow older. “Put away your things.” “Put your laundry in the basket.” “Clean up your mess.” The parents have to gain respect as authority figures to insure that the child becomes more responsible. 

 

Too many modern parents are ignorant of the fact if they do not establish the child’s boundaries and responsibilities early, they are going to create a blossoming, hard to live with brat. The earlier the child learns to contribute to the family, the more they feel like an important positive member and not a constant cause of grief. The child realizes other people start treating them more adult-like than an out-of-control child terrorist. It takes time, energy, and initiative to get the child to this level of maturity. 

 

Many modern parents are very arrogant believing they can keep their outside-of-the-home employment and expanding social life while successfully raising children. It takes a lot of time, effort, and coordination between adults in the home to be on the same page. If they are not, the children will learn how to manipulate the adults to get what they want causing conflict between what childrearing approach they should take: confrontational or permissive. The permissive one is the easier one to maintain in the beginning since it involves ignoring the child in hopes he grows up well on his own. Many parents of prison inmates thought this. The training-confrontational one initially takes more personal involvement and follow up but establishes expectations and standards of behavior that endure.

 

The earlier parental power is established, the less effort it takes to maintain control. When an infant throws his bottle, a parental slap on the hand is often sufficient. The older the child, the greater the “war” to gain control and establish dominance. The sooner a parent demonstrates they are a formidable authority, the more permanent their impact on a child.

 

Often parents say that now he is a teenager and does what he wants to do when he wants. However, if the parents were consistently in charge when the child was young, the child would have learned to respect their authority and any rebellion would usually be moderate to minimal. A teenager often attempts to stretch the limits and then tell the parents they have the right to set their own limits. 

 

The later parents take charge to demand the obedience of their child, the harder it is to do. Instead of a little slap on the baby’s hand, a full-on battle often ensues.  Children not trained in obedience are much more difficult to retrain. If parental dominance is taught at an early age, the parents will deal with a more compliant child. Obviously, if the child was taught to respect the parents as early as possible, many negative, dramatic incidents will be avoided. These parents and child episodes are less time -consuming ending in an agreed upon solution that will set the boundaries for similar situations.  On the other hand, the young adult has many more skills and experiences to become a formidable debater to argue their side. 

 

Parents must be in charge to raise respectful and caring people. Listening and following the directions of others while learning social skills will produce mannerly, successful individuals. Putting a youngster on the straight and narrow path, leads the individual to more positive relationships with authority figures and most of their peers.

 

Most children who act out to gain attention initially increase their status with their peers. Although when the authority figures such as teachers, bus drivers, or coaches punish the whole group for the misdeeds of one, the others will shun the misbehaving child to restore their own privileges and return to a more peaceful status.

 

In the long run, a well-mannered and appropriate youngster has an easier time fitting into any group. However, the obnoxious child who has not been well trained to act appropriately suffers in social situations.

 

Almost everyone loves a mannerly person who respects the rights of others by acting correctly in different settings. Parents are the ultimate trainers to help insure the positive future for their children. Dominance training is when the parents demand that the child behaves appropriately. This is the way that parents can make it happen.

 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.