OUR CULTURE NEEDS TO RETURN TO FEAR TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT

 OUR CULTURE NEEDS TO RETURN TO FEAR TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD, Traditional Realist

 

Why should children all the way to adulthood follow social and ethical standards?

 

From Benjamin Spock’s permissive parenting to the present “gentle parenting” the message has been the same: Don’t traumatize the child by frightening them with strong consequences as it might arrest their natural development. A heavy dose of negative reality might turn children into fearful, withdrawn, and introverted people with no backbone to execute their will.

 

On the other side of the spectrum, a person without experiencing consequences for certain behavior can easily be attracted to behavior that can lead to disastrous results. Naïve children can be led into a life that has no positive future. Loved ones should warn the child about going down the wrong path and administer consequences if they do not heed the parent’s commands. 

 

A threat of a strong consequence should prevent someone from attempting to do something forbidden. Eventually, when a youngster is told,” No, or else,” the child might test the waters by doing what is prohibited. If the strong consequence is not given, the reputation of the person giving it will be weakened and the child will not learn the necessary lesson.

 

As seen in our present criminal justice system adults who commit serious, violent crimes are often not punished severely, sometimes not at all. They may receive a “slap on the wrist” punishment such as minimal time in a correctional institution with a fine that often is dismissed. Many criminals are getting off scot-free so they continue to do criminal acts. The lack of negative consequences can tempt a person to take the risk of even higher-level crimes.

 

Although this is bad enough, the true damage to the American culture is the lack of punishment in the way we are raising our children. Today’s child rearing tells parents that children should not be threatened with physical or mental consequences. Spanking is said to be abuse and even giving a consequence for lying such as, “If you lie to me, you will lose your phone, dance classes or sport team” is seen as excessive.

 

According to our mostly permissive child rearing experts, consequences create too much anxiety for the child. In other words, the punishment is worse than the crime. This false permissive child rearing philosophy has removed any fear in the child’s mind that doing something considered wrong will result in punishment that actually affects them.

 

If the child does not believe the parents’ pronouncements, why would they follow what the parents say? They would not and do not. Without some fear they would disregard the command until they feel the pain of disobeying. 

 

For a person in charge to maintain their credibility they have to back up their statements with action. If they fail to do so their power is lost. This requires a parent not to make ridiculous threats that cannot be carried out by them but to give reasonable consequences for the misbehavior and follow through with them.  If an authority figure says they are going to do something they need to do it to maintain their credibility.

 

The ultimate thing an authority figure can do is to develop the reputation that their word is gold.  Their consequences must be formidable but fair and significantly strong enough to convince the potential transgressor that crime does not pay. 

The legitimate fear of a strong punishment from taking the wrong path will lead to keeping the person doing what is right. Parents need to insist their children be held to the highest social and ethical standards to direct them toward a successful and healthy life.

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 A STRONG MARRIAGE REQUIRES A TRADITIONAL LIFESTYLE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Many relationships today have taken a non-traditional path. Some couples live in different locations often separated by many states. The couple sees each other face-to-face only rarely. These non-traditional marriages can be successful although they are more difficult to maintain and succeed. Marriage is especially difficult to successfully accomplish when most couples’ lives are so complex.

 

There is a reason mothers want their sons and daughters to marry others who come from traditional, stable families. Statistics show that couples raised in a traditional lifestyle have a greater chance of having a successful marriage than many modern couples who want everything immediately that their parents struggled for years to obtain. This is unrealistic and puts the couple on a path of frustration to reach unrealistic goals. Newlyweds need time to make agreements where both of them can reach long-term goals. First the couple has to evaluate what are the positives and negatives they are bringing into the relationship. 

 

If either one had a strong, sexual relationship with another person, that relationship must be severed in order to establish the more solid one. The husband and wife must be in an exclusive relationship with their partner. A third party in a marriage is a poison pill. The only way to salvage the arrangement is for the involved person to end the outside affair.  Marriage, like any relationship takes serious discipline. Honesty with one’s mate and respect are necessary for a future together.  

 

The woman increases her possibility of success in marriage if she does not bring a child into the marriage that she had when unwed or from a previous marriage. On the other hand, the couple increases their chance of success if they are churchgoers, have four-year degrees, are 22 years old or older, and the couple has a $50,000 income before marriage. 

 

This traditional knowledge has been noted by individuals realizing the impact their lifestyle has on enhancing their chances of success or minimizing it in a marriage. Regardless, marriage changes individuals as they are now a couple, no longer independent people. They have to consider another person’s feelings and thoughts before making decisions that impact both lives.

 

The wise woman or man learns from what takes place around them. A successful marriage is a complex and difficult feat to accomplish. The couple must learn to change, to forsake some of their individual wants for the benefit of the relationship with their partner. They must establish the priorities they want in a relationship and are willing to sacrifice personal desires for the sake of developing a strong, healthy relationship. 

 

Newly married couples should study marriages that have been successful. They will realize that a spouse usually considers their mate’s concerns and values before coming to any conclusions. Both partners have to discuss all the possibilities before arriving at a decision where both can see the benefits. Often a decision might please one more than the other. A mature couple will decide that the other person makes the next one. Fairness is required in the decision-making process for it to satisfy both parties. 

 

When children enter the scene, honest discussion needs to take place to get the mother and father on the same page for raising children. Healthy and well-behaved children are the anchor that keeps the marriage stable. Disagreement will sink the marriage and undermine the children’s mental health.

 

A strong, healthy marriage is the most important institution for raising healthy children. A traditional marriage and family are the most effective means of keeping our nation strong.

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PUNISHMENT IS BECOMING ILLEGAL IN OUR SCHOOLS AND OUR NATION

PUNISHMENT IS BECOMING ILLEGAL IN OUR SCHOOLS AND OUR NATION

BY Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Our national policies are naive, illogical, and create the exact opposite effect of what was supposed to be achieved. It is happening in our school, judicial, and political systems. Instead of raising the standards of proper behavior, our leaders are lowering our expectations and standards and therefore more negative behavior and values have become acceptable. 

 

Our traditional biblical standards are being replaced by what was once sinful. Lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, carjacking, kidnapping, killing unborn babies, beating police officers, squatting in homes, have all become prevalent. Taking advantage of the defenseless is glorified in Hollywood, the media, politics, and business on both the national and local level. Practically our entire culture is honoring anyone that “gets over” on the others and blames them for being naïve or just plain stupid.

 

The abusers of power or the exploiters of the unsophisticated if they are successfully ripping off their victims, are honored as a success. The perpetrators are seen as con artists who receive no negative consequences for their underhanded businesses, political, and educational practices. 

 

Our public schools are receiving an exorbitant amount of money for each student attending their so-called educational programs which is estimated to be around $40,000 per pupil.  The effectiveness of the educational programs has declined according to educational testing as compared to other countries. 

 

Our police officers are sitting ducks. Many of these would be gangsters use their fists and whatever is at hand to beat officers. These vicious physical attacks are often witnessed by citizens who ignore the violence, take videos, or just walk away instead of seeking help. Even if the incident is reported, today’s justice system may release the criminal back into the community with no legal consequences for their crimes. Similarly, judges are not following through on election law crimes by politicians who are not following the laws. Citizens cannot even discuss possible election fraud and illegal practices without the threat of suffering criminal consequences such as jail time for questioning election practices.

 

Commentators are questioning if we now have a two-tier legal system. The party in power can use many internal agencies such as the justice department, FBI, CIA, the IRS and even the media to convict whoever they want by distorting whatever they supposedly did to appear as a crime.   

 

Even our local school board superintendents are more political operatives than educators. Most school superintendents can justify their new policies by emphasizing the financial effectiveness of these practices and the potential positives. Each new year the focus is on how much better the educational program is going to be but not on how last year’s program increased the learning of the students. 

 

The increase in school violence, lower test scores and resignations of teachers is not closely reviewed. It is interesting that a similar practice happens with politicians responsible for counties, cities, and states and even the presidency of the United States. The discussion is not about their success, but the focus is on what they are going to do. The same political tactics are used in our justice system, our law enforcement, and our elections for high political office. The two-tiered judicial system currently in place favors certain political party affiliates, ethnicities, and other protected groups. Promises of great change in their political organizations is held up as the solution to better results. Yet the same end game brazenly appears.

 

Criminals continue to attack random citizens and police officers openly with no consequences. The criminal is rarely apprehended and if they were, our permissive, progressive judges would release them on their own recognizance, if they belong to the right groups. This new age justification of releasing criminals is being applied to almost every segment of the population. Some crooked politicians when caught with solid evidence of outright bribes are given a slap on the wrist with no jail time, humiliation, or even fines.  There is no punishment only lip service.

 

The white-collar, prominent leaders and small-time criminals both get off Scott free. They laugh at our pathetic process of meting out punishment all the way to the next fraudulent scheme to steal money and power. Society needs to reward citizens who have achieved remarkable results while punishing inappropriate and violent ones.

 

For any operational system to work, the leaders and doers must reward the individuals doing a commendable job and punish or remove those who are not. This approach works in any organization, in this case in school or government. No positive or negative consequences means there is no clear direction taken which could end with a positive result.

 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.

 

 

 

 

 

  

NEVER TOO EARLY TO DISCIPLINE

 NEVER TOO EARLY TO DISCIPLINE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

 

Modern parents are confused and bewildered about when to start disciplining their child. In fact, many child development experts are unwilling or unable to state a certain age to initiate discipline in children for fear the parents will overreact. The phobia created by these experts inhibits parents from disciplining their children.

 

Parents, especially mothers, have been traumatized by the emphasis on parental abuse so that they are gun shy of disciplining of their children. This results in children pushing the limits of acting out and questioning parental authority.

 

The answer to when to discipline is as soon as necessary. A toddler sitting in his highchair might look right at you and defiantly pour his drink on the floor.  Babies who are breastfeeding may clamp down on the breast. The mother should flick the baby’s cheek training the child that biting his mother is unacceptable.  As the child grows and develops more complex behavior, the parents should discipline the child to eliminate any unacceptable behavior the child exhibits.

 

Unacceptable behavior such as running around the house screaming at the top if their lungs, throwing their food off the table, refusing to answer when spoken to, climbing out of their crib, pulling the pet’s tail, saying “no” when told to do something need to be eliminated. All these behaviors and many others indicate the child needs to be disciplined.

 

Early discipline to change behaviors helps to eliminate inappropriate behaviors before they become established. This means that the mother must make the decision to discipline as soon as needed. The parents by trial and error learns what is the best method of discipline in each situation.

 

Issues that arise between the child and the parent, usually the mother, shows if the child is not firmly put in his place he will begin to run the house and dominate the parents. As the mother herself becomes the victim, the child becomes the victor to his detriment. This pattern becomes a difficult one to reverse. 

 

Too many young mothers, especially if there is not a father in the household, are losing every battle with their untrained, obnoxious, willful, young brats. The two- to five-year-old boys can be extremely aggressive and defiant needing a stronger approach than would a girl. Some overwhelmed mothers of young children receive help from their male family members which may be insufficient for correcting the child’s misbehavior. 

 

Once the overwhelmed woman realizes she must be firmer and stronger with her child, she sees she can be in charge of them. The concept that it is never to early to discipline becomes it is never too late to begin. The woman realizes that discipline reestablishes control with her child and is the beginning of her having control of her undisciplined child.

 

The parents must be strong and “in-charge” to gain and keep the upper hand.  The causes of losing the upper hand changes as the child grows older. In the early stages of the child’s life, it is mostly about following the rules set up by their parents such as eating properly, following instructions, following commands correctly, learning to do the right thing in a specific situation. As the child grows, he is supposed to anticipate the appropriate actions without being told. Eventually the adolescent matures into a quasi-adult and should perform the appropriate behavior with no prompting. 

 

At this stage of development, the young adult has created a check list in his head to complete all the necessary duties needed to meet his responsibilities and satisfy all requirements to have a safe and satisfying existence. The individual has passed the real-life test of being a disciplined adult.

 

 

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers and blogs, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and the latest book entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can see many of Dr. Maglio’s articles at www.drmaglioblogspot.com.