BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL ADDICTION EPIDEMIC

BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL ADDICTION EPIDEMIC

By Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D. traditional Realist

Our culture has become a highly sexualized one, which is the understatement of the ages. Sex is used to sell everything and anything. The word “sexy” has been applied to almost everything. Cars, clothes, phones. food, toothbrushes are labeled “sexy” to promote them. Modern children are exposed to visual images from birth that in the past were only seen in peep shows or Penthouse Magazine.

The so-called “sexual revolution” was propelled by the fraudulent 1960s Kinsey Report. This controversial report radically changed sexual behavior by falsely setting the level of sexual activity higher for adolescents than it actually was. It motivated youngsters to fit in by becoming more sexually active at an earlier and earlier age. It removed sex from the bedroom to front and center in the public domain. Television, movies, computer screens, DVDs, magazines inundate our children and us with provocative to explicit images, which are powerfully stimulating.

Today children are indoctrinated into a sexual reality before they develop the emotional maturity to put it into its proper prospective. Many people are introduced to all consuming sex through music, drugs and the social media. The majority of these experiences are physiologically and psychologically highly pleasurable, which seduces some into a sexually dominated lifestyle.

These dysfunctional behaviors have reached epidemic proportions. There is a speculative range of 3-6% of the population or 9-18 million people who suffer from sexual addiction. The increasing incidence of sexual addiction should be a concern of every adult, especially parents.

There are numerous evolving venues to entice people into becoming obsessed with sex. There is pornography, cyber sex, infidelity, compulsive masturbation, online hook ups, exhibitionism, prostitution, strip clubs and voyeurism. These behaviors are not only more prevalent but have lost their stigma in society.

The availability and options have greatly expanded with the decreased societal condemnation of these behaviors. This has led to the surge in sexual addiction. Traditionally males have comprised 90% of this group although female sexual addiction is becoming more prevalent with sexy feminists such as Beonce and Miley Cyrus changing attitudes and mores.

Psychologically early initiation into the world of sex increases the peer status of a youngster. Peer recognition with instant gratification makes the person chic and in the know. This contrived image directs the person to employ higher levels of deception. These braggadocio stories have to be elevated by more outrageous fantasy exploits. The addicted person’s relationships, lies and distortions hurt family, friends and others. Honor and loyalty have to be sacrificed for the next conquest to maintain the reputation.

Eventually the exaggeration and deception leaves the “player” psychologically and physiologically exhausted. The situation becomes a tangled web of emotions that causes confusion and at times even some guilt. As their attractiveness and stamina falters they often turn to alcohol and drugs to perform.

A preoccupation with sexual activities has consequences. It often starts someone down a path of becoming imbalanced and winding up in a self-destructive life style. These people lose control over their sexual behavior. Lines are crossed that they never thought they would cross. They employ any means available to maintain the player image. It often affects families and work environment.  Others start to sense the desperation to keep everything together. Relationships and production deteriorate. A hole is dug that gets deeper without hope of finding a solution of reversing it.

The addiction requires a greater frequency, duration and intensity of sex to receive the same “numbing out” release or pleasurably high experience. The ego gratification for performing the act becomes less attainable. The risk of contacting STDs or being caught in an embarrassing or unlawful situation increases. The inability to control ones thoughts and urges is frustrating. Drinking and drugging increase and mask the psychological pain and shame.

The Hollywood and media’s incredibly positive narratives like “Sex in the City”, “Mad Men” and James Bond are destructively unrealistic. These creative writers portray a fantasy lifestyle that they would like to live out in their own mundane lives. They do not understand the negative implications of living a delusional life of self-deception.

Adults, especially those with children, have to become more aware of the horrible consequences of a life of sexual addiction. This should be shared with their children as often as possible so as to prevent developing a very destructive habit of conning others.

Loved ones of an already sexually addicted person should confront him about how he has lost control over his life. These loved ones need to point out the path of destruction he has left behind. This intervention could wake him up to seek help through guidance from a respected elder, in prayer, church intervention or seek professional help.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

PARENTAL ABSENCE RESULTS IN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES

PARENTAL ABSENCE RESULTS IN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES

By Domenick J. Maglio  PhD. Traditional Realist

Parents usually want the best for their children. Today there are more choices than ever about raising a child. Almost everyone who has raised a child is a know-it-all expert. People who have even limited exposure write books believing they are going to revolutionize child rearing after centuries of child rearing tradition. 

President Obama in a November 3^rd speech said, “we don’t want women to stay home.” He was advocating mothers be absent from the family. His reasoning was a stay-at-home mother would never have the earning power that a career woman would. This cradle to grave approach of government involvement in our lives is marginalizing the role of family in modern society and is weakening our entire nation. There are government infant and toddler programs that are urging women to enter or stay in the workforce.

Most children spend more time with the daycare workers than they will with their own parents. Both parents and children will lose their invaluable interaction that creates a love bond between them. Too many youngsters no longer radiate the natural love of adoring parents.

The separation between a child and parent makes effective parenting very difficult.

Many working parents are at a disadvantage of learning their child’s idiosyncratic behavior. These parents receive second hand reports from the caretaker rather than drawing their own conclusions from the child’s interaction with others.  Modern parents have to rely on others to gain a perception of their own child.

Instead of employing a common sense, problem solving of inappropriate behavior and inattentiveness, modern parents currently are directed to a professional. Often an alarmed teacher will suggest an expert evaluate the child’s behavior. A speech therapist, a mental health professional or a medical doctor are the experts recommended.

Modern parents have a reason to be confused, which motivates them to bring the child to the office of an expert. Parents’ unfamiliarity with their own children’s behavior and lack of an extended family giving advice leaves many parents at the mercy of these unknown professionals.

These professionals can give remedial recommendations to correct the problem, explaining it is “normal behavior.” Too often the professionals, instead of employing a long-term therapeutic approach, unethically offer a mental health diagnosis, which does not meet all the criteria. They provide a quick medical (drug) solution that only masks the underlying issues and diagnose the child with a mental disorder relegating him to a life long stigma.

In our nonjudgmental culture family friends would remain silent or approve of, not question the parent’s decisions. This formal “expert” process is usually a relief to the parent as it gives them clear scientific "certitude" that the problem lies with the child not with their parenting. In many cases the parent wears their child's diagnosis as a badge of courage for having endured the antics and hassles of dealing with a "defective" child.

These child development experts have permeated the thoughts and beliefs of almost all parents, including those at home full time. Modern parents have been indoctrinated not to use time-tested methods such as the “cold shoulder,” moderate spanking on toddlers and preschoolers and strong consistent consequences to regain control of their child’s actions. It is easier and less stressful to put faith in the hands of the state licensed professionals than to examine and change the interaction with their own offspring.

The child becomes the victim of the parent’s ignorance of the child's “game playing,” the power of their role and their unwillingness to be take-charge parents. The child's reaction to the consequences of the caregiver is teaching the caregiver, not the parents, the best way to manage the child. Absentee parents do not have the opportunity to learn these lessons. These missed experiences leave today's parents in an inferior power position as compared to parents of the past.

The lack of awareness and knowledge of their children's behavior makes it almost impossible to remediate the child's dysfunctional behavior. Instead the child receives, and will suffer from, the mental health label that will identify him for the rest of his life. This phenomenon is becoming more prevalent reaching epidemic proportions.

Not only does the label influence the thinking and behavior of others but it gives the child a built in set of excuses that fortifies his sense of believing he is defective. Negative self-talk about what a person can and should do, lowers his standards and expectations. This makes the dubious diagnosis a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The modern parent’s void in directly experiencing the child's behavior results in a lifestyle of disorder for the entire family. The ultimate victim of this family dysfunction is the labeled child, although everyone in the family suffers.

Our central government continues the dismantling of the family and is paving the way for a more totalitarian nation. This central control of our lives is disabling our children, families and nation.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

THE REJECTION OF THE PENNY TAX PROVES WE ARE NOT STUPID

THE REJECTION OF THE PENNY TAX PROVES WE ARE NOT STUPID

 By Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D. Traditional Realist

MIT professor, Jonathan Gruber, architect of Obamacare, smugly pronounced American voters were stupid to believe in the distortions and outright lies that were repeatedly used to gain legislative approval of it. However, it is appearing that unrealistic and false promises are getting harder to sell to the public.

Throughout the nation local and state governments are finding unique ways of extracting money from the people. In Hernando County, a small central Florida county, another penny sales tax was vigorously promoted as “Penny for Projects”. They used previously discussed road projects, local airport upgrades, school repairs, electronic tablets for each student, and other assorted absurd “Projects for a Penny” to entice citizens to vote “yes.” The political and connected business leaders raised an incredible $160,000 to put together a glossy campaign to pass this referendum for their interest not the public’s.

The county administrator, a major player in this effort, stated the Penny for Projects proponents “played a pretty good game.” The “stupid citizens” were not fooled by “the game” even though they were inundated with signs, mailings and sophisticated commercials telling them to vote, “yes.” They answered with a shocking, resounding “no!”

This  “No” vote response happened without a counter promotion to expose passed additional tax campaigns where the raised revenues disappeared into thin air without any concrete results. 

The American people have learned that increasing public money to solve problems does not produce the desired results. Nationally we have thrown trillions of dollars at public schools. These large sums of money have created larger school districts with fancier buildings but did not do anything to improve student performance. More money allocated for education has produced more administrators and an impenetrable bureaucratic wall that mutes parent feedback and impedes school accountability.

Locally we see closed private businesses now filled with ever expanding government.  The number of government agencies and workers metastasized while the accessibility to public servants lessens. The local government has introduced a glut of regulations that impede our freedom to live our lives as we see fit.  Meanwhile our roads, building departments, parks and other public services have deteriorated. 

The voters are becoming aware that money is not the crucial issue in our local government.  What is crucial is holding public servants accountable for fulfilling their obligations to the public.  This process will require citizens to point out to government supervisors when a government employee has done an excellent or an atrocious job in assisting them. Citizens have to assert themselves by evaluating government workers to convince the higher-level officials that their own positions are on the line if they do not manage well. 

This grassroots feedback would translate into hardworking public servants moving up the ladder while poor functioning ones are demoted or fired.  The word will circulate that job security and advancement will be based on merit, not politics all the way up the ladder.

This message of merit will become a guiding principle of completing tasks in an efficient manner. This will motivate supervisors to fire incompetent or dysfunctional employees.  City and county commissioners will have to demonstrate to the public through their actions that they will not tolerate any dereliction of duties of any member of the local government regardless of their connections.

Citizens have turned a blind eye to our local, state and federal government officials. This passive approach of going along with approving more revenue to solve problems has been a formula for waste and inefficiency.

At this point in time, Americans are opening up both eyes to gain some control over an out-of-control government. Public servants are supposed to work for We the People. We have to do our jobs of rating them like we do for many products, services and hotels online in the private sector. We need an “Angie’s List” of government servants and politicians to inform others of their effectiveness or ineffectiveness. 

Many communities took the step and voted down increasing taxes. These taxing gimmicks will reappear more deceptively until the local ruling elite realize the government is not entitled to the people’s money.

When the people see cutbacks in local government workers and programs citizens will know these local elites finally get it. We need to be forever vigilant in our civic duty by holding ourselves, family and government servants accountable.  This positive energy will return our nation to better stability and harmony proving to the elites that citizens are not stupid.

THE POOR JUDGEMENT OF A VICTIM SHOULD BE ACKNOWLEDGED

THE POOR JUDGEMENT OF A VICTIM SHOULD BE ACKNOWLEDGED

By Domenick J. Maglio Phd., Traditional Realist

There are times when a person is an innocent victim of an unforeseen incident. A car erratically driven and killing a pedestrian just walking on the sidewalk is a tragic incident that is in no way the fault of the victim. Neither is lightning striking a person out of the blue. An airplane killing someone as it lands on a beach or a tree limb crushing a person are unpredictable events that are understandably devastating to their loved ones. When life appears cruelly unfair, most of us turn to God for solace because the unfortunate victim was not responsible in any way for what happened.

There are other times when people put themselves in dangerous positions that blow up in their face and that could have been avoided. Placing oneself in risky situations has potential consequences that should have been taught at an early age. This knowledge gives young adults the ability to anticipate patterns of behavior that would be harmful to them.

People who ignore the possible consequences of dangerous behaviors are partially to blame for the suffering they receive. When people do not acknowledge their poor judgment they often repeat their actions. Learning from one’s mistakes protects the individual by not going down the same path. They are able to think on their feet to minimize potentially aversive dangers.

There is a cellphone application that has been introduced, which uses data analysis to inform people what are high criminal risk neighborhoods. Many in our culture did not favorably receive this important and relevant information for a person’s safety. Many experts in the media and the NAACP viewed this as a racist item that should be banned from the public domain. In other words people should be kept ignorant of statistical data even though it would keep them out of harm’s way because it disproportionately shows African-American areas are bad.

In our current culture the message to our youth is whatever a person does should have no bearing on his being taken advantage of by another. A male going to a bar noted for its violence should ignore the reality that he is taking his life in his own hands. A young woman who is intoxicated and is dressing provocatively is unaware she is putting herself in jeopardy of being exploited. Actions and decisions that put one in a tenuous situation do matter because it increases the possibility of getting hurt.

Risky behavior often has consequences that we should consider before taking certain actions. It is the responsibility of the parents to teach their children about the reality of certain behaviors. “Stay far away from firemen when they are fighting a fire, they would not expect you to be there and would inadvertently knock you down.” “Don’t accept a ride or candy from a stranger.” These warnings about possible outcomes encourage a child to think before compulsively acting.

As the youngster matures his responsibility to observe the behavior of others should increase. This increased awareness of people will determine the advisability of befriending or avoiding a certain person. Reality is a great teacher to guide one’s decisions.

A person who knows permissive sex increases STDs and that heightens the probability of certain cancers and commits to this lifestyle is taking a gamble. The same naiveté goes for a person who divorces her spouse for a minor issue even though she knows that raising a child alone would result in lower socio-economic conditions with a higher probability of problem children. A person who commits a crime while under a mind-altering substance should be held accountable for his actions. It was his choice to put himself in a mindless state.

When individuals put themselves in potentially dangerous situations they are partially responsible for the horrendous outcome of the chain of events. People should be accountable for putting themselves in risky circumstances, as it was their decision.

As a society we can no longer hide behind the infantile politically correct thinking that we can never discuss the poor judgment of the victim. This missed opportunity to learn from a discussion of other’s poor judgment does everything to increase mindless behavior and nothing to prevent dangerous impulsive actions.

Good judgment begins with good parenting. Parents should point out to their child the potentially harmful consequences of risky behavior. This early training lays the foundation for the person’s ability to make mature decisions.

Our media should report all the relevant facts of these tragedies even though it might show the victim’s dubious decision making. This knowledge would be powerfully helpful to many other young people that would prevent unnecessary tragedies.