PARENTS DOING TOO MUCY AND REQUIRING TOO LITTLE

PARENTS DOING TOO MUCH AND REQUIRING TOO LITTLE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Modern parents are confused about their responsibility to assist their children in various situations. They feel responsible for their child’s homework when the child is in the younger grades putting greater effort into ensuring the child’s success in elementary grades. These parents realize the poor state of public schools. They hear stories of grade inflation, over testing, cheating, and lack of basic skills. Many even go so far as being frightened enough to actually do the child’s homework and instruct them in simple subject areas at home. These same parents are uncomfortable enforcing any significant consequences, which they gave to their children to teach them responsibility at home and in school.

Few of these parents attempt to involve their child in completing the work after they instruct them on the material. Most do not. Usually the child reluctantly participates in this ritual but only when the parent is looking over his shoulder. The parent-tutor does not trust the school’s preparation of their child to understand what he needs to do. Parents do not want their child to suffer the frustration of doing it on their own before helping them. Modern parents want to help their child do things with minimal effort from the child. This does not work for students to internalize the material.

In the higher elementary grades the students continue to expect their parents help. They are dependent on the parent tutoring them. The students concentrate on their studies only when an adult is right there. They have not been taught in any way to be a problem solver. Instead, most have learned to act helpless so their parents will take care of their responsibilities at school and home.

When the parent is notified that their child has not done his homework or has forged the parent’s signature for not doing an assignment or doing it poorly, the parent blames the school, not the child. These parents desire and even demand the school solve their child’s lack of motivation and poor academic skills. They only want to ensure their child’s success without having to expend time, energy and constantly repeat themselves until they become blue in the face.

Many modern parents are uncomfortable and even unwilling to jeopardize their children being temporarily upset with them. Most parents would like the school to take the responsibility to keep them on an academic track but often are unwilling to support the teachers. Their immature student’s choices become another reminder of the poor preparation and training of the youngster. They have not been trained to deal with temptations such as uncontrollable spending, drug and alcohol abuse or a daily unbalanced, unhealthy lifestyle. They use their self-centered feelings rather than logically examining the problem of consequences for their impulsive behavior.

These pathetic scenarios could be prevented by parents focusing their energy in the early years of the child’s life, developing good moral habits and skills to make them contributors rather than spoiled demanders and takers. This commitment cannot be underestimated in time and energy but pays incredible dividends in the family’s future. The present permissive-materialistic child rearing approach delivers crisis and headaches for many families as the child is supposed to mature. A child cannot mature if he is pampered into remaining a dependent invalid.

Understanding the importance of a strong, assertive parental hand in the early years parents have to demand the correct behavior to shape the child’s character. It requires parental supervision and follow-up instruction for the child to internalize the necessary skills and habits to tackle jobs and complete them in an efficient and timely manner.

These parents are not training them to be responsible, independent, moral people. Modern parents are not spending the necessary time teaching them basic good work habits. They do not realize their responsibility as a parent does not end with the early grades but continues not only until the legal age of 18 but until the parents are no longer able to function as independent adults.

The realization that the children are going to be part of the family for life changes everything. It is a powerful motivating factor in teaching the child to be independent rather than dependent on them. Dependent young adults become entitled, demanding their parents continued financial and emotional support for their out-of-control lifestyle. Parents become enablers of their children’s selfish and self-destructive behavior.

This takes a total commitment and effort of the family to realize the dividends of their work later on. Raising a healthy, educated, wise, well-balanced, successful adult is probably the greatest and most gratifying accomplishment in a parent’s life.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

YOUR LEGACY IS YOUR CHILDREN

YOUR LEGACY IS YOUR CHILDREN

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Today many couples are having children without being married. Too often one or both do not want to give up their adolescence although they actually have passed the stage. They are afraid a marriage will force them to care for someone beside themselves. Commitment to another person or a new family lessens one’s freedom. The concept of contributing to the family has become a rare, even lost expectation.

These young adults have assumed almost no responsibility in their lives.

In 2012 the number of children born out of wedlock was 40.7% of all births and rapidly is approaching 50%. These uncommitted couples soon realize that their infant will usher them into a reality of which they have little knowledge. Once the birth takes place it dawns on them that the survival of the infant will totally depend on them. The realization of the tremendous impact their poor innocent being is having on them is stunning. It wakes them up to the fact that their lives are changed forever.

The notion that the parents are the center of the universe rapidly fades replaced by the image of their baby. Hopefully this reaction is felt by at least one parent or more beneficially by both. If neither parent takes on the responsibility, the grandparents may assume this responsibility or the child is bound for the state system, which is not a healthy environment for any child. Often this rough journey is wrought with abuse and neglect.

The self-centered biological parents, no matter the number and creativity of their excuses, can never make up for their selfish decision not to give their child a legally sanctioned name and financial support decreed by a divorce settlement. This selfish act leaves the child in an unenviable position. They know in their soul that they are not providing a warm secure environment, which is the foundation of all future development.

The unmarried couples are only part of a much larger issue. Even married parents are sacrificing their children on the altar of career advancement and social pursuits. Many of these couples also have difficulty suspending or sacrificing their adolescent dreams. These married couples are attempting to walk a tightrope between their careers, socializing and meeting the responsibilities of raising children. Most see these roles as equivalent since the pop culture experts have repeatedly sold this idea for years.

Other functions are extremely different from raising a child, which is time sensitive. The early childhood years lay the foundation for all later development. The time for raising a child is limited and finite. Most parents do not realize how short this period is until their child reaches a point in adolescence where the young adult begins to declare his independence without thinking through all the financial and social implications.

Not every couple can even produce an offspring. When parents are blessed with a child they should understand they have a sacred duty to be fully involved parents and give the child their love to produce the best human being they can. Parenting is not a part-time assignment but allows the offspring to pass the heritage from their devoted parent to the next generation.

The relationship is not a one-way blessing from parents to children. The parents are taught by their children’s reflections back to them, the good and bad of the parent’s behavior. The old adage, “my child taught me well” is as true today as it has always been. Parents are awakened by the child’s innocent, frank and accurate statements about the parent’s behavior. The child mimics the parent’s best and worst traits and allows the parents to correct their own mistakes and concedes that perhaps their own parents did better at raising children than they are presently doing. Having a family is an important step in the maturation process of humans.

There are many married people who are choosing not to or are unable to have children. Frozen in perpetual adolescence they appear to other married couples and themselves in a lifestyle that has avoided many social and financial hardships other families have to face. Their problems do not surface until the latter stages of life. As the childless couple enters the ending stage of life, they face the negative implications of their decision not to have children. There are no immediate family members to visit them, to thank them and appreciate the sacrifices they made.

Involved, loving parents did overcome many hurdles to make and meet their commitment as parents. There is no avoiding the hard realities that parenting requires immense effort, time and energy to do an excellent job. The reality of parenting requires time and energy to do it right.

It would be a lost opportunity not to do the most important job given to a person: raising children who will create the family legacy for generations.

ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TAKES EFFORT

ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TAKES EFFORT

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD., Traditional Realist

Most youngsters have been conditioned by the culture to believe they are entitled to anything they want. They desire it, get it and throw it away. This quick turn over of interests happens daily throughout their short existence.

These children are born into a consumer-credit fad economy. Instant gratification is the norm in their lives. When children lose or abuse a toy or precious object they immediately have it replaced. These young people rarely have to repair, maintain or build something. Our affluence has encouraged us to passively purchase services and objects rather than use our ingenuity and imagination to rebuild or create another interesting activity.

The art of living a unique life of overcoming liabilities and turning them into assets is becoming unusual in a victimized society. Youngsters, often with the consent and encouragement of their parents, would rather receive special diagnosis and assistance by professionals to complete simple objectives rather than struggle to find their own strategy to compensate for their limitations. According to child advocates it is not the fault of the child for having some limitations, as they should be given special programs and assistance to deal with their immediate problems.

“Figit Spinners” are the latest absurdity to be supported by child development experts. Supposedly the plastic spinning disk would help the child avoid the struggle to find his own learning style that would compensate for any learning difficulties. Some physicians are giving prescriptions to children to use their “figit spinners” in the classroom to help them concentrate. This is preposterous intervention happening even though no scientific evidence has been found to demonstrate its effectiveness.

Our public schools are insisting certain difficult students need to receive psychotropic drugs in order to attend school. When parents refuse to place their child on drugs they are sometimes confronted by child protective services. There are even cases where children have been removed from their home and placed in foster care due to the parent’s not complying with the school district edicts. This has taken place without the parents being given due process to their rights as citizens.

It is not good for particular students to have tests read to them. They should only be given tests that are on their reading level. Without the ability to read they will not be functional in any modern society, nor should they receive extra time to take a test. This ridiculous practice only confirms to the child that he is less than normal. Children need to be trained and inspired to reach incremental goals, not be warehoused and labeled as defective by the system and eventually by the child.

We as a people have forgotten that our greatness as an economic powerhouse was established on the industriousness of our ancestors. Many of them had to work to help support their families from a young age. Mostly everything they had to learn came from their own initiative and experience. Their reading, math and job skills were learned by fighting for them. There were often significant people who assisted them and apprenticeship opportunities to learn job skills were identified through their own resourcefulness.

Nothing worthwhile that is accomplished is easy. It takes work, perseverance and concentration to learn a skill, complete a task well or invent a better mousetrap. When a person just makes excuses and gives up nothing is accomplished except a sense of failure and loss of confidence. When the person fights through these challenges and resolves the crucial issues his competence increases as well as  strength of character.

As a society we should stop pandering to special interest groups who demand too many privileges, concessions and accommodations for the child having difficulties.  Removing all types of adversity creates a victimized and entitlement society.

Overcoming obstacles builds confident and self-reliant people. We should return to a fair merit competition to build winners.  In the “everyone wins” mentality there is no motivation to improve. Without failing in something a person loses the motivation to be a winner.

Doers who succeed have to persevere to reach their goals. It takes effort to be a success not accommodations, lower standards and expectations. These are the people who never walk away from a challenge but confront it time and time again until they conquer their inner fear of failure.

Eventually they are victorious and are able to savor their temporary accomplishments then reach out for new and more difficult goals. They raise themselves to new heights and greater laser focused efforts.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

PARENTS SHOULD INSPIRE THEIR CHILD'S DREAMS AND GOALS

PARENTS SHOULD INSPIRE THEIR CHILD’S DREAMS AND GOALS

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

The world has changed, families are smaller, many have only one child. Our economy is the highest or one of the highest in the world according to the variables used to determine it. Even families on the bottom of the socio economic ladder are recipients of significant government assistance that allows them a lifestyle, which is the envy of the developing nations. Our nation is living above its means and eventually will have an economic correction.

Most modern parents do not significantly emphasize that they worked hard to obtain their lifestyle. Instead they communicate in politically correct, high false-self- esteem jargon that their children will be better off than they are. These parents believe since their children are very bright their future is definitely going to be as good or better than their parents. This sentiment is very common even when the child is not doing well in school, does not listen well and has little work ethic.

Modern parents have not personally witnessed significant national financial setbacks. The “Great Recession” was cushioned with approximately one trillion dollars in stimulus-inflated money. The Middle East wars have had little direct impact on most American family life. It is understandable that the average modern parent thinks they will have the political influence and financial power to shelter their children from any negative setbacks that may occur. If history is any indicator, they are going to be sadly mistaken.

This thinking pattern leaves too many adults and their unfortunate offspring in a delusionary state. If people’s future is insured by their present lifestyle, they will have little motivation to prepare or be concerned with what is coming down the road. They can choose to live in the moment without concern about events happening elsewhere in the world or to teach their child necessary skills and moral values to survive and prosper on their own.

Too many American children are hibernating in the safety of their family cocoon. As students there is no fear of what tomorrow could bring to their existence. Studying challenging subjects to give them more options and getting into and succeeding in graduate pursuits is immaterial to them. Their protective helicopter parents in incident after incident have bailed out most of these students in school and in the community.

The parent’s power and influence might help their child get out of trouble in school and with police officials, graduate from high school, get into college and even get them a job in a business. The problem is, does the youngster have the skills, knowledge and perseverance to function in the real world? Does the individual have the strength of character to struggle through hard times and come out a winner on the other side of the adversity. Mental toughness develops through striving, failing and finally succeeding.

This lack of concern for their own future leaves youngsters vulnerable to immense psychological, financial and emotional suffering. Since they have no fallback plan they most likely demand the government take over more responsibility for their personal lifestyle. These slackers and takers will move from making demands on parents to making demands on other citizen’s money through local, state and federal tax confiscation.

They will become a major force for an increased welfare state. We are already witnessing this with the self-serving programs they want the government to provide for them such as free college tuition, and medical care. If these self-centered young adults do not face some real consequences to their self-indulgent life style, the problem will expand into many other areas.

This generation and future generations have to comprehend- nothing is guaranteed. The reality is that living in the USA requires that citizens be self reliant for their own advancement. We as a nation have to make this clear.

No parent can purchase this “will power” for his children. The youngsters have to earn it through their own effort. These individuals have to want to better themselves and their future. They have to possess goals and dreams that inspire them to do more, not less than what their parents did. There is no substitute for setting standards and expectations high, to reach for the best one can be. Parents noting the improvement in the effort and especially in the results should encourage this. The child should be taught to compete against himself.

For our citizens, families and nation to prosper we have to teach the work ethic and self-reliance to our children. All citizens should be motivated to make their future as bright as they can.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.