STUDENT RECEIVING PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT IS PLEASING TO PARENTS

STUDENT RECEIVING PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT IS PLEASING TO PARENTS

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Modern parents have a radically different approach than parents in the not too distant past. Today’s parents want their children to be happy and protected above all else. They do not want them to suffer in any way. If the child falls and scrapes his knee, both the child and the parent make a federal case about the incident. The child exploits the temporary pain to receive attention and sympathy and the parent devotes energy to soothing the child’s suffering.

There is no more parental command to stop their melodramatic antics. “Get up and shake it off” is now considered abusive, non-empathetic behavior. Instead modern parents rush their child to a doctor no matter how minor the incident.  Often the doctor prescribes pain medication and supplies an unnecessary soft cast to pacify the child and exploits the parent’s guilt.

In school when a student is clearly not applying himself and not bringing in homework not only does the child make ridiculous excuses, the parent often tops the child by doubling down with bigger whoppers to dismiss the child’s behavior. The parent simply is an advocate for the child’s laziness. Most parents no longer support other authority figures, even teachers. The child learns the parent is not going to allow their child to receive any negative consequences such as missing recess, isolation from the group and additional make up work.

Most parents are no longer advocates for advancing higher academic standards and expectations to motivate their child to become the best he can be. Instead these parents are now running interference for the child’s lack of focus and disobedience for not following the teacher’s direction. This approach has taken a quantum leap in the minds of too many parents. Many parents are more than willing for their child to receive special privileged treatment to make their child’s life easier in school and to insure their child’s future.

Parents have become “life hacks” for their child’s future. These micro managing parents are pathetically eager to be told by school authorities that their child is “incapable” of learning without special assistance. This has become a positive as it allows them more options to advocate for their child. They believe teachers should accommodate their child’s inability “to do well” by providing less academic homework, more time to take a test, have questions read to them, and give open book exams.  A significant number of parents want their children to be labeled with a disability. The “confirmed disability” will verify the problem the parent had to endure did not come from lazy parenting but from a genetic defect in the child. This will make the parent a certified martyr for dealing with this overwhelming burden.

This is the direct opposite of parents just a few generations ago. Those parents wanted their children pushed by their teachers to do better. Parents felt any poor work or grades was the fault of the child and could not blame it on some ambiguous mental deficiency. These parents believed any obstacle could be overcome by the child through hard work or compensating by finding another route to success. Pain of school punishment was seen as a caring act to motivate the child. They placed the responsibility directly on the youngster not accepting any nonsense justifying his lack of effort.

Being told your child is not capable by an authority figure is currently seen as a positive, not a negative. This might be a short term positive to reach an easier objective of obtaining entrance into college. However, in the person’s future as an adult he will self-identify as being an invalid resulting in being seen as a weak failure. Moreover he will believe he deserves a bailout from others rather than buckling down and increasing his effort to get the job done.

A parent providing unearned rewards to their child by spearheading lower standards does not develop perseverance as compared to other students. Rugged individualism has lost its attractiveness to many parents who want an easier, gentler and softer road for their child than individuals who fought their way to meet their objectives.

This preferential treatment of their child will produce a frail, unprepared and disabled person to compete in the real and sometimes vicious world. Loving parents should insist their loved ones learn to handle painful consequences as a wake up call. They need to pick themselves up by their bootstraps to conquer any and all challenges to become self-reliant individuals.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

COACHING PARENTS TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE

COACHING PARENTS TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Parents are a very important part of the school community. They can either be supportive, neutral or antagonistic to the education their child is receiving at school. When parents are not on the same page with the school no matter what the staff is going to do to help the student it will be undermined by the parent. This has to be immediately corrected if the student is going to succeed in that particular setting.

All parents should be greeted with a required meeting when the child first enters the school. This is a necessary step to understand the type of family dynamics the child lives in. Parents should be encouraged to describe what they want from the school. This initial meeting also should explain in a straightforward manner the philosophy, standards and expectations of the school. Any misunderstandings can and should be discussed and resolved before becoming an issue in a follow up meeting.

This meeting should focus on helping the parents comprehend the reasons for the school’s policies and how they will benefit their child. Most parents find these meetings instructive and allay many of their apprehensions. These meetings need to happen until the parents have reached a high level of comfort and understanding of the program.  The parents should be informed continually should any problems concerning their child’s education arise. These difficulties should be addressed as soon as possible in a meeting called by the parents or school. Honest two-way communication can be established to keep everyone on the same page.

These meetings also help determine the best communication method to employ with every parent. The same way every student is unique, every family is unique. Some parents are emphatic they want to be immediately contacted about each and every problem the child might encounter. Many other parents expect the school to handle whatever problems arise as they are very busy with a hectic lifestyle. Understanding the parental expectation for the school is necessary to build a bond between the parents and the school.

Whatever the communication process, every parent needs to be informed with a quick response when they specifically ask any questions. At times an issue may come up that needs to be further explored where a phone call or note might be sufficient. At others, in order to resolve an issue, a sit down meeting is necessary. Regardless of the method, everyone involved should be satisfied the issue has been resolved with clarity and approval or the problem will fester into a larger one.

Parent’s negative opinion of the school operation usually will be sufficient to undermine the school authority figures’ requirements of a student. Many requests by teachers are good in the long run but often are tedious and repetitive for the student in the short run. These necessary but less than exciting or interesting requirements can result in the student’s playing elaborate games with both their parents and teacher to turn them against each other. A negative statement toward a teacher by a parent could be enough for the student to ignore his school responsibilities since he feels his parents will support him.  This will often have an unnecessary and debilitating effect on his motivation to do well.

Student game playing of pitting parental power against the teachers and administration should be addressed as soon as possible. After being identified by the school a conference should be arranged to explain the school’s reasons for their actions. The student should be part of the meeting from the beginning to share his perspective and acknowledge the facts presented by the school. Once there is agreement on the exact scenario of what took place an appropriate solution can be formulated.

These meetings should be constructive; on one hand the child learns the parents and the school are on the same page and he needs to conform to their expectations. On the other hand the school might learn that the family and the student might never be happy or appropriate in this facility. An honest and thoughtful statement by the staff would inform them that indeed they should find a school better suited to them.

Often parents learn their child is playing games to avoid assignments he does not like doing, which are often given to help memorizing material. Other times the parent may feel the school is not the right setting for their child’s education according to their expectations. In both cases the school, family and student benefit from honestly clarifying each other’s expectations to insure the best decision for everyone’s self interest.

The labor intensive process of keeping parents informed about school policy and the student’s functioning in all areas creates a wholesome educational environment. Everyone involved with the school’s educational process should be on the same page to provide the student with quality education.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.