BEING BULLIED? CALL THE POLICE

BEING BULLIED? PHONE THE POLICE

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD., Traditional Realist

Dissatisfaction of parental stress and burdens of raising a child has played a role in the expansion of the federal government. There are government programs to feed children three meals a day. Government schools are requiring students to start school at the preschool level and many now offer toddler programs.  Traditional family functions are being replaced by the government’s expanding its reach into the daily lives of families.

Modern parents are unwilling or unable to monitor the child’s interaction with peers especially on the Internet. A youngster harassed by another child can be reluctant to have his parents become involved as she would lose any appearance of being “cool.” Eventually a continual escalation of the situation could end in a youngster doing harm to herself or others. Suicide or horrible mass shootings are usually attributed to people who have been bullied.  This has resulted in some law enforcement officials taking a direct role in interfering in disputes between children and their families.

Exploiting tragedies is a method for a government official to gain notoriety and increase the power base by usurping the power of the parents. In Polk County, Florida, a frequently grand standing sheriff, Grady Judd, has revived a year old suicide of Rebecca Sedwick, a 12 year-old child. This child had significant mental health issues unrelated to the harassment by these other teens.  Her mother, Tricia Norman, was aware of her psychiatric issues but was unwilling or unable to pull the plug on her social media interactions.  Instead she plans to file lawsuits, which will not bring her daughter back.

On national media Sheriff Judd announced he was arresting a 14 year-old for the felony of aggravated stalking. The name of the 14 year-old offender was not supposed to be released but the sheriff did specifically name Guadalupe Shaw. He stated he was naming the 14 year- old and a 12 year-old bullying accomplice after the 14 year-old’s hateful Internet posting of IDGF (I don’t give a f---) about the girl’s suicide) and “go jump off a building,” the sheriff stated he had to make an example of her.

Sheriff Judd said he thought her cyber bullying would continue with other individuals. This supposedly was his justification for announcing these juvenile's names and accusing them of a crime. His arrogance of being judge and jury was reprehensible. The case was dropped a month later due to a lack of evidence.

The hysteria over cyber bullying is intensifying. People are coming out of the woodwork telling their stories of how they had to face the terrible experience of being verbally abused on social media.  They cite cell phones, chat rooms, text messaging, Facebook or other social media where people’s comments disturb and belittle them.  These are nuisances not criminal acts.

Some pundits are even calling cyber bullying a hate crime though there is no defined group from which victims are selected. It is not usually motivated by hate for racial or ethnic reasons. Often it is the cynical process of probing the emotional and psychological weaknesses of others to feel superior by dominating another. This domination of others has been a part of human nature from the beginning of time. Parents have to counteract this human frailty by teaching their youngsters empathy for others as well as how to stand up against attempts to demean them or witness their child being abused by others.

It is part of the role of a parent to protect their children from others who have an unfair advantage over their child.  This can be anything from giving them appropriate language to combat put downs and taking away their phone, social media, or other privileges to prevent them from interacting with mean spirited children who can hurt them.  The police should not enter the picture unless a viable threat is determined.

Too many tweens/teenagers are becoming weak minded. Instead of ignoring the obnoxiousness of another or cutting off interaction they continue to allow themselves to be tormented. Too many parents are too weak to stop negative relationships that their child might be having. Instead these harmful relationships are allowed to continue.

Parents have to inspire their children to have the courage to stand up for themselves. This can only occur with involved parents creating a close knit, solid family unit that encourages each other to be strong, self-reliant individuals. The state should not continue to whittle away at the cohesiveness of the family unit.

Calling the police to resolve conflicts between children further weakens the family. This is misguided. Government bureaucrats should not and cannot micromanage our children’s lives without parents giving up their freedom. "Trash talking," (verbally putting down someone) is too common to be codified into a crime, unless we want a police state.  It will only make matters worse for everyone involved in these dramas.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

CROSSING THE RED LINE SHOULD EARN A SPANKING

CROSSING THE RED LINE SHOULD EARN A SPANKING

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Anyone who says “if you cross a red line” you better be prepared to keep your word or suffer the consequences. President Obama had stated to President Assad of Syria that the use of chemical weapons on his people would not be tolerated by the USA. It appeared President Assad crossed the red line on many occasions but nothing happened. This has caused America to lose its credibility as a super power in the eyes of the international community.  Currently foreign nations are testing our resolve to stand strong.

Parents also become a joke to their children when they say they are going to do something but they do not follow through. They also lose their credibility. The most common consequences that a parent uses when extremely frustrated is “you do that one more time and I will spank you.”  It never happens. The children learns to let the parent’s threats go in one ear and out the other, pushing the limits.

The lack of enforcing consequences not only at home, but at school and with law enforcement has emboldened teenagers to arbitrarily and viciously knock out innocent people for entertainment. It is called “the Knockout Game” but it is anything but a “game”. It is a vicious assault than has been fatal. This is spreading in our urban centers throughout the nation. It indicates these youngsters have never been taught to employ a moral compass.

These acting out youngsters have crossed the “red line” again and again until they believe they are entitled to do whatever they want. The lack of parental backbone is not only creating self absorbed, sociopathic youngsters but is undermining the stability of our schools, communities and our nation.

Modern parents go back to the old standbys instead of following up on their word. Time out, negotiating, ignoring, lecturing, appeasing, are easier for modern parents to attempt. These strategies are supposed to be performed without any emotional reactions. “Experts” preach that children should not experience a parent who resorts to corporal punishment. Any spanking even reasonable and moderate spanking is now believed by the majority of modern parents to be traumatic to the child, even though that has been shown by numerous studies not to be true.

The ignoring of poor choices in school leads to destructive behavior in other settings. Not listening to a parent or teacher mushrooms into other negative behaviors. The passive- aggressive, inattentiveness can morph into physical acting out on another. It often spreads to acting out in the community. If no other authority has stepped in to impact the child,  it ends with the criminal justice system finally meting out incarceration.

Children begin the journey of becoming out-of-control when parents are unwilling to follow through on what they say they are going to do. Being a parent is a sacred position that should not be ignored.

When parents abdicate their duty of molding their offspring's moral compass, it creates a ticking time bomb, which can impact any one of us. Knowing right and wrong should be established as early as possible in a child's life.

As my father would say, "it is easier to keep a straight tree straight then to straighten a crooked one." Moderate spanking at an early age quickly establishes a child's respect for the parent’s word and authority. The longer a parent waits to start the process of teaching the child wrong from right, the greater the punishment and the greater the frustration and the possibility of unnecessary collateral damage. There is a point in a youngster’s life, around 6 years-old, when spanking becomes ineffective and possibly abusive.

Just like a nation's foreign policy, the more quickly you make a firm statement of where the "Red Line" is and back it up with action if it is crossed, in the long run the better the outcome. A child testing the family's parameters reacts the same way to a reasonable punishment. They learn to listen. Just follow up a command that is broken with a swift spank on the behind and watch your young child learn to listen before he acts. This gift will encourage the child to think before acting impulsively, a major ingredient of self-discipline. Do it for the sake of your loved one.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

PARENTAL SCHOOL INVOLVEMENT: A DOUBLE EDGED SWORD

PARENTAL SCHOOL INVOLVEMENT: A DOUBLE EDGED SWORD

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

A widely held belief in our culture is that more parent involvement in schools results in a better academic environment. Close teacher and parent contact should increase communication and trust. This bond between teacher and parent would supposedly facilitate the student's learning.

This idealized interaction between parents and teachers is based on too many assumptions that do not hold true in our current culture. Many parents today may have as much or more formal education than many teachers. Even those parents less formally educated have access to experts in education and child rearing in the media and on the Internet. This pop culture knowledge has fostered arrogance in many people in dealing with other professionals even if they are in a different field.

This easy information access has made everyone and anyone an educational "expert." It is a striking contrast to the less formally educated parent a few generations ago. As a greater proportion of our population has graduated from college, the awe and respect once reserved for teachers has decreased accordingly. Teachers today are less involved in the community and they often do not share similar value systems with our more diverse population. 

Modern parents are more suspicious than trusting of their child's teacher than in the past.

Teachers as well as other professionals have lost their ability to influence the parents to take certain actions without a long list of doubts and questions to be answered. Compliance to an educational strategy formulated by the teacher is usually resisted by both the parent and the student. Today everyone, including many students and parents have to be part of the educational planning to bring them on board. Even with this input and maybe because of it there are many unresolved debates with many school-involved parents concerning the correctness and execution of any plan.

Whenever there is a disagreement between the parent and teacher the respect the child has for the teacher is undermined. Without the teacher and parent being on the same page, the teacher's power is lessened. This is exactly the same psychological dynamic that surfaces when parents argue in front of their child.

Our teachers are no longer supported by parents the way they were in the past. Students complain about the teachers grading unfairness, excessive homework, or even social interaction with the teacher. Our present friend/parent usually take the side of the child and expect the teacher to respond to their child's allegation. The parent does not allow the teacher the professional respect to explain her policies on the issues that they are questioning.

The parent is the child's advocate. According to the parent the teacher does not understand the child’s unique abilities and brilliance he occasionally displays at home. Whenever a parent has the opportunity to give his child a leg up or protect him they feel they need to do so regardless or the unfairness to others. These parents fail to realize their child’s performance can be very different in a group as compared to a one-on-one situation with a loved one. These parents do not fully support the teacher in the daily complex position of dealing with the instruction of a group of children. Rather, the teacher is the one who is guilty until proven innocent.

Even in more innocuous settings such as volunteering in the child's classroom or on a field trip, the parent's allegiance is quite clear and startling. Modern parents are not there to be objective assistants in the classroom or on trips but have a specific agenda to give their own child an advantage over their classmates, which was unheard of in the past.

These parents often take an aggressive role to advance their child's interest over other students. The parent more often than not will not follow proper decorum. The volunteer wants her child to receive preferential treatment from the teacher. The benefits the child should receive vary from being chosen first on line, to being allowed to skip certain rules the parent disagrees with. The parents believe the teacher owes them for their volunteering in the school by giving the child special consideration.

Our schools should reevaluate the benefit/cost aspects of volunteerism of parents in the school. These volunteers provide teachers with an extra set of eyes and hands in the classroom, although parent volunteers can come with a significant price tag.

School districts and their administrators should make it quite clear that parental favoritism will not be tolerated. All American students deserve a level playing field to fairly earn their grades to compete in a meritocracy society.

When a parent volunteer believes her time in school should entitle her child to special treatment, it is time for the school to provide clear policy guidelines. It should state it is never the case to treat one child better than others even if it is their own child.

Dr. Maglio is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.