MICRO MANAGE THE CHILD AT HOME NOT AT SCHOOL

MICRO MANAGE THE CHILD AT HOME NOT AT SCHOOL

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Modern parents too frequently have things reversed. They are permissive at home allowing their children to do and have whatever they want. They do not set limits on behavior or teach moral values that assist youngsters in fulfilling their goals.

However, as soon as the child leaves the nest and enters school the parents attempt to micro manage the teacher’s actions with their precious child. The parent’s unrealistic hope is their child will be treated as if he is the only child in the class. They believe their child’s uniqueness, lack of conformity and the parent’s self-important status requires him to be treated as special.

Parents are worried the teacher might treat their child abruptly and harshly to bring his behavior inline with age appropriate behavior. These parents do not understand that meddling in school, the first opportunity the child has to function independently outside the home, is going to hinder his maturing into a functional person.

It is true that all of us are different and develop at different rates but we still have to conform to certain expectations and standards of behavior and moral values to make us culturally appropriate. When these lessons are not learned at home, it falls on the school to inculcate them. This task becomes more complicated and difficult the older the child.

Teaching every rudimentary skill like listening, potty training, waiting one’s turn and following natural and logical rules is being delayed or totally ignored. Not everyone can be first in line. Since many students are coming from single parent homes without extended family involvement, they never learn the need to contribute to others. Almost all modern children have limited opportunity to share and contribute in these affluent times. Whatever the child desires is often given to him without question.

Since consequences for establishing certain important behaviors are often taboo for modern parents, they become irate when their child is subjected to these rules by the teacher. School authorities are supposed to use tender loving care to control their child even when he does not respond to it.

Teachers need to be allowed to give lessons that cannot be accomplished at home but many modern parents feel these methods are too strict. This means pointing out their child in front of the class for inappropriate actions is unacceptable. Withholding part of recess while holding the teacher’s hand or eating snack or lunch separate from others is seen as cruel and unusual punishment. Any consequence the child does not like the parents will find unacceptable.

Today’s children need to be told when they are doing something wrong to learn how to be successful. When the child gets home and complains about an incident the parents think they know from the child’s account exactly what took place. They do not wait to hear the teacher’s version. They come to school and tell the teacher, “my child was not disruptive nor does he lie,” therefore the teacher is immediately put on trial by the parent. Instead of questioning the child, the integrity of the teacher is questioned when it conflicts with the child’s story.

The days of parents punishing their child for a bad report card in support of the teacher’s authority are dead. We have come full circle. Previously the teacher’s word was respected. In any mention of misbehavior by the child, the child was wrong and the teacher was right. Today any reprimand reported to the parent of the child’s behavior requires immediate notification to the parents or a conference. The child is innocent until proven guilty not by the teacher’s description of his misdeeds but by evidence of others besides the reporting teacher and a quasi admission by the child before the parent is convinced.

Without the teacher and parents being on the same page the child suffers academically and socially. When parents attempt to micromanage the school it is a losing proposition. However, parents micro managing their child at home will increase the probability the child will have the skills and values to make an easy and successful transition from home to school.

The parent’s diligence in observing and following up on the child’s behavior at home would automatically substantiate the fact that their child is far from perfect. This observational knowledge of their offspring’s real nature not their projection of the child’s ideal behavior will help them empathize with the teachers instead of resisting their efforts.

Parents will feel more comfortable to support authority figures by getting out of their way. This increased confidence in the teacher’s insight into their child’s mind and behavior makes it easier for them to ally with the teacher. This alliance between the parent and the teacher is essential in helping the child become the best he can be.

You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.com.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, OUR SENSITIVE MALES CRY

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, OUR SENSITIVE MALES CRY

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD Traditional Realist

Our culture is encouraging males to be weak. The “wimpifying” of the US males was initiated during the 1960s by the Women’s Liberation Movement to create a society with gender equality, a unisex nation. The gradual cultural changes over the years is presently fully evident

The initial reason for the feminist movement was to gain gender equality. The accomplishing of the goal meant the boys had to be raised to be non aggressive and more sensitive while the girls had to become tougher and pushier. They have been highly successful in transforming both the gender’s behavior. The females have become more independent, assertive and achievement oriented. Males became more communicative and sensitive although there were unintended consequences of lowering male’s perseverance, expectations and abilities to accomplish their traditional functions.

A recent poll found 80% of males have little problem with their spouse’s salaries being higher than their own. This gradual relinquishing of their past bread-winning role has had a profound effect on the family. The househusband and couch potato males are no longer the butt of jokes, instead have become the ideal modern man.

The modern woman has gained greater independence at the cost of being required to fulfill more traditional male responsibilities and duties. Women presumably have been the more exploited gender in the recent past. Presently it is still the case only more so. Women have twice as much depression as males, which markedly increase heart disease. Modern middle age females have become overwhelmed because they are not genetically hardwired for the more acute confrontations of life while still handling the majority of the business of the home.

The additional burden placed on women can only be corrected or reversed when mothers and fathers encourage boys to be boys. Both parents need to be united in this mission. They need to prepare their sons for their natural destiny as men, not for a world that has never successfully existed.

When the going gets really tough, life and death tough, the tough men not the women are supposed to get going. This should motivate both fathers and mothers to encourage their sons to be strong. Boys need to be taught to fight through pain to accomplish their tasks.

These projects can be constructive assignments like chopping wood or cutting brush in a specific time period. The more a child learns to solve problems on his own, the more competent he feels with a corresponding increase in frustration tolerance. Anything that physically and mentally challenges boys to become stronger is beneficial to toughen them up. When the boy gets a physical bruise he should be expected to mentally control the pain not exploit it.

“Tear power” to get sympathy should be off limits for both genders but especially boys. In today’s America the girls are taught to stifle their crying while the boys are encouraged to appear sensitive by crying.

Girls rule while boys don’t try. Boys are now taught to be cute and charming while girls are expected to do well in all endeavors including physically demanding activities like martial arts and other sports but most importantly in school.

The result of the change in child rearing practices of the past 50 years is startling. Sixty percent of people completing graduate school are females leaving only 40% males. Women are successfully achieving while men are pleasing.

In the world outside academia, courage is needed to stand up to protect and preserve what you have. Standing up to do the right thing or keep what you have earned is not for the faint of heart. These are not traits that are held in high regard in an educational setting although they are instrumental in success in a competitive business world.

Giving up by crying by our male population is not an option if the USA is to remain strong. When things get tough our males need to be forceful by trying harder not folding up in self-pity. It is important for our boys to develop into strong men to build, protect and maintain our nation.

The women’s liberation experiment can be considered a success in terms of accomplishing their objectives of changing boys into whiners and girls into the more assertive gender. It is a failure when noting its impact on society as a whole.

These new sensitive males are too mushy and self-centered to hold their families together. They have not been trained to stand up to anyone including their own children who are often out of control. Their independent, strong wives have lost respect for their husband’s display of weakness. This weakness leads women to be attracted to stronger males. Divorce has become a viable option further downgrading the strength of the family.

Only by abandoning the modern pampered child rearing practices can we hope to increase the strength of our boys, the family and the nation.

Visit: www.drmaglio.com.

TEACHER CERTIFICATION CANNOT INSURE QUALITY

TEACHER CERTIFICATION CANNOT INSURE QUALITY

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Americans are very busy attempting to survive in a mobile society. We have little time to devote to researching an item or a professional’s qualifications. We rely more on others who we do not know to do the job for us. Certified stickers appear on everything. Cantaloupe, spinach, scallions, chicken, hamburger, organic foods receive a certified sticker that is supposed to guarantee its safety and high quality. Obviously with all the food alerts, certification is not working.

The process of certifying foods, mechanics, lawyers, doctors and other occupations may give us false confidence to purchase the item or service but does not insure its quality. The high performance of the item or service over time gives greater credibility to its value.

Even the past achievements of a person are not foolproof in predicting his future performance. The New York Yankees get the best available players by having the highest payroll in baseball. This strategy has not translated into consistently winning the World Series. Tiger Woods is another example of the fallibility of past performances predicting future excellence. In education we find the same phenomenon.

A study by Vanderbilt University found that teachers who were offered bonuses of up to $15,000 per year for improving student’s standardized test scores, had the same gains on these exams as those teachers who did not receive any incentives.

Often the highest priced teacher is one with the most seniority and advanced degrees but this does not necessarily guarantee that she is a good teacher. Arne Duncan, President Obama’s secretary of Education, stated “giving raises for Master’s Degrees is a waste of money.” There is no evidence to suggest money alone improves student achievement.

Certification programs of teachers differ widely but none have been highly correlated with student achievement. One of the most highly recognized teacher certification programs is the National Board of Professional Teacher Standards, NBPTS. This certification requires four video portfolios and six essay examinations evaluated at an assessment center. The teacher receives a ten-year certification and a significant increase in salary for this subjective process.

According to the director of the Pope Center for Higher Education Policy in Raleigh, North Carolina, George C. Leef, “Despite the large amount of tax money that has been spent promoting certification there is no evidence that the certification process does anything to elevate a teacher’s ability to instruct students. Furthermore, there is no evidence that certified teachers are better at producing high student achievement than are non-certified teachers.

There are many different teacher certifications that exist in America. The alternative certification type programs allow professionals with life work experience access to the classroom as a teacher. This is a similar approach to the apprentice programs of the past. These mature four-year degreed individuals but without an education degree learn from doing and have become valuable assets to our schools. In public schools there have been waiver certification programs to allow teachers outside of their educational credential to teach in other areas.

Any certification programs that enlarge the teacher pool are better than certifications that limit them. A certification program that attempts to stamp a person as an excellent teacher while limiting others from earning the same recognition is counter productive to improving the quality of teaching. For many years public schools have alleviated shortages in particular subject areas by granting waivers to teachers to earn certification in a new subject area. This has worked well to meet staffing needs.

A teacher is like any professional who has to begin by practicing his profession. The incredible engineering feats by the ancient Egyptians were accomplished through trial and error rather than through the scientific approach. Doctors practice medicine, lawyers practice law while teachers practice teaching. An excellent teacher has to have an intrinsic motivation to be the best teacher he or she can be and not be solely motivated by extrinsic monetary or title rewards.

The commitment of a teacher to practice being the best he or she can be has to be an ongoing one to be a quality educator. Their dedication to improve by observing the results of their actions is more important than a credential or certification.

Teaching like other professions is too complex to break into discreet measurable parts to arrive at a true picture of the teacher’s ability. There are too many intangibles. A teacher’s knowledge of a subject does not necessarily translate into being a good teacher. The integration of mission and personhood propels teachers over the top to achieve a level of excellence that inspires students to do the same.

Certification programs do not insure the current quality of the teacher’s performance. The teacher’s history in a particular school’s classroom setting is the most useful method of selecting a teacher for one’s child.

A positive reputation earned by an individual’s continued desire to reach each student is far more reliable for parents in choosing a teacher for their child than any “Good Housekeeping” stamp of approval.

Dr. Maglio is the author of Invasion Within and Essential Parenting. He is a psychotherapist and the owner/director of Wider Horizons School.

Visit: www.drmaglio.com.