THANK GOODNESS “THE NEW NORMAL” DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERMANENT

THANK GOODNESS “THE NEW NORMAL” DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERMANENT

By Domenick J Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

The so-called “New Normal” was a rationalizing of anything that deteriorated in quantity or quality. It was the opposite of focusing on a specific problem and solving it. Instead it was an approach to accept individual and national lower standards and expectations. It is a lazy man’s way of managing an organization or one’s life.

This uninspired method of leadership in home, school and government is a, “don’t worry, be happy”, life approach. Your life will go on, just do not think about what was or could be but learn to accommodate yourself to the lowest common denominator of existence. These dismal standards and expectations are often repeated in our school system. The academic grade inflation has made report cards almost meaningless. Severe violent acts are out rightly ignored or have been assigned such weak consequences that the punishment does not act like a deterrent and often is a joke to acting-out students.

Parents have dumbed down their standards and expectations for their own children. Preschool children are no longer being potty trained at 18 months to two years old. Instead now they are not prepared to complete this milestone until 3 to 5 years old without the parents being seen as less than competent. Today’s parents are less concerned with assisting their child to be independent. Most do not comprehend the small window of opportunity to teach their offspring behaviors, skills, and moral values they need to be full functioning adults.

This lazy interaction with children, students and employees of not being in charge leaves individuals vacant vessels of how to be positive and properly react with others. This poor preparation has negatively affected the work force on all business levels. Poorly trained and motivated adults have resulted in inferior customer service and too expensive products. Foreign nations have stepped up to take advantage of economic opportunities worldwide.  They have improved their country’s standard of living through cheaper labor costs with more motivated workers. US corporations have outsourced more jobs, which has led to more work going overseas. Employment opportunities have gone to other countries and so have high salaries. Divorce is continuing to rise and while marriage rates continue to fall. Children’s counter productive actions will get more and more outrageous in school and in the job market.

According to the “new normal,” we Americans should accept this new reality. Employment opportunities with high pay will be rare and never return. College tuition will continue to rise for students so they will have more opportunities for loans that increase debt. Millenials will continue to live in their parent’s basement. Do not worry, it is the “new normal.”

The “new normal” is “leading from behind.” President Obama verbalized his foreign policy as leading from behind during his first term in office. He believed that the US leadership in the world was negative since some nations jealously viewed the US as an arrogant and self-righteous bully.

Whatever happens that is not positive can be justified by stressing that no one can reverse the negative results especially when one does not expect improvement. Therefore we all must accept that there is no reason to bang one’s head against the wall. The best and only thing for individuals to do is to lower their expectations and get on with the new reality. Former President Obama said that President Trump’s statement there would be 4% economic growth rate was ridiculous. It turned out Trump was able to improve it to 4.2& in 18 months. The “new normal” was obliterated.

Winners do not focus on excusing their mistakes but stress rehearsing things that will make them better in competing in activities. They strive to be better rather than accept mediocrity. On the other hand, the new normal has nullified the importance of merit and the work ethic to improve one’s performance in any area. The philosophy of accepting low standards, expectations and production has resulted in decline overall for the society.

Leadership comes from being courageous and knowledgeable on the front lines commanding others to do an excellent job. These people set high standards and expectations by their own performance, which inspires everyone around them.

By parents, teachers, businessmen, law enforcement and government officials demonstrating leadership qualities, people will become inspired to do better. People will emulate leaders for the results they have achieved. Positive role models challenge us to higher and higher levels of excellence. It is in the hands of all of us as we each have responsibilities to be positive authority figures.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND FANTASY

KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND FANTASY

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Television has become passé for many youngster people. Preschoolers often have their own tablets, kindles, and electronic games. These devices are changed and updated so often it is almost impossible for most parents to constantly monitor what their child is viewing. Most parents are not that vigilant. In essence many children have the exposure without the guidance to decide on their own the world they want to gravitate towards.

The one thing that is certain, much of the material is going to be animated fantasy, not reality. Parents should point out the difference between fantasy and reality or our youngsters will not be able to distinguish between them. Reality has very little appeal to children. It is often boring compared to virtual interactive games. It is for this reason parents must teach what differentiates reality from fantasy. This contrast is essential for good decision-making.

For actually understanding reality the first lesson parents need to establish is that they are the head of the household. Children need to listen to the commands of the parents for their own safety. The child has to learn he has to ask permission before he attempts to do something out of the ordinary. It sets up reasonable boundaries for the child to protect him from his ignorant decision making skills. Without reality training children have no predictability concerning the consequences of their own actions.

Parents of infants, toddlers and preschoolers need to have sufficient quantity time with their child to train them how to perceive reality, think and behave. Teachable moments occur spontaneously making it important for parents to maximize the time they spend with their children. This will increase the frequency of spontaneous lessons the child needs for his overall development.

The reality is that the parents are in charge of the family because they know more about life. They are wiser which enables them to make better decisions than their inexperienced child. There can be no equality of roles for obvious reasons. Children are oblivious of many of life’s hazards without warning and direction from parents.

Children are not born with any reality indicator. They have to be taught by the parents what is possible or impossible to be done by humans, animals or objects.

People cannot jump from great heights and miraculously survive even though they may see it on video.  When some children put on a Superman costume they believe they can fly out of the window. This has happened and it has not been pretty. It is the parent’s responsibility to inform the child of this fact to prevent a serious tragedy. Animals do not drive cars, work in a business or live in mansions as they appear to do in a virtual world.

In modern parenting, reality is shunned and fantasy is encouraged to cushion the harsh reality of life. Discussing evil has become taboo so as not to frighten the child’s sensibilities. Coddling children from reality is an ill-advised policy. Evil people do exist and are more tolerated than ever before. Children need to understand the consequences of behaviors and actions as there are more choices than ever before that can result in disastrous consequences.

Most importantly youngsters need to be warned about evil people and self- destructive horrible behaviors such as abuse, abductions of children, and sexual exploitation. Children need to be taught about out-of-control drug use, eating and sleeping addictions so they can be avoided. Reality training will prevent many possible disasters to innocent children by opening their eyes.

Parents are endowed with an immense amount of knowledge they gained from their own parents, teachers, adults and just living life. The parents are smarter and obliged to share these insights and knowledge with their children to assist them in having an uneventful, safe childhood. Parents should share their hardships and accomplishments of their ancestors. This family history can illustrate that life is never without challenges that have to be overcome. These lessons of conquering adversity can be inspirational for different segments of a maturing person’s existence.

The message of contributing to the family’s well being by their schoolwork and eventual employment cannot be repeated often enough. It should be stated that the odds of becoming successful and productive citizens increases immensely with the improving work ethic.

Arming one’s child with strategies to deal with reality issues is a wonderful and loving gift parents need to provide their child. Leaving the nest is a crucial event in a person’s life. The parental preparation for the child maturing should have happened throughout the developmental years. This training, as well as a good dose of luck and prayer, practically insures success as the youngster has been trained in reality. Reality training in this period of virtual existence is more important than ever before.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN  and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

FEAR OF USING PUNISHMENT IS WEAKENING OUR CHILDREN’S CHARACTER

FEAR OF USING PUNISHMENT IS WEAKENING OUR CHILDREN’S CHARACTER

By Domenick J. Maglio Ph.D. Traditional Realist

Our modern culture has emphasized that positive reinforcement is the solution to raising healthy children. By eliminating negative reinforcement children will develop a higher self-esteem and more appropriate behavior. There will be no self-doubt and anger that come with any form of punishment.  Employing the reinforcement schedule of 8 positives to 2 negatives our children will become successful people of substance. Everyone will find these young people friendly, helpful and cooperative to others.  It is the perfect profile of a person for fitting into a materialistic world.  It just has not happened.

The reality of giving 8 positives to every 2 negatives is a difficult task for parents and loved ones. The parents and other adults have to be with the child intimately for many hours each day.  B.F. Skinner gave a pigeon a food pellet every time it made the right action, which took diligence and continual observation. Reinforcement has to be diligent and often upgraded to remain as an effective tool for the maturing child. It is not happening.

The obvious problem to this method of shaping behavior in our modern culture is that most parents are at work and not at home. The babysitter or preschool teacher usually has more quantity time with the child than does the parent. Modern parents often have minimal to no time to interact with their child. These parents want to appease their child to decrease their own guilt for being absentee parents. Many children attempt to gain their parent’s attention by doing inappropriate things.

This is a significant dilemma for the parent who corrects the child’s behavior according to modern psychological tenets. It can cause feelings of rejection and unnecessary stress for both parents and child. The most common response of today’s parent is to ignore the child’s inappropriate actions as pleasantly as possible to avoid any unnecessary incidents. This causes frustration and aggravation for both. The parents are constantly reminded that they should spend quality time with their precious child. Quality time should be a contented period when the child and parent are supposed to bond.

The tragedy of this scenario is the child is ultimately the loser. He is never taught what is the appropriate behavior. The child becomes more prone to do whatever comes into his mind rather than please the parent by doing the right thing. The child learns to “do his own thing” rather than the socially approved thing. The child starts to believe he has the inherent right to do anything he feels like doing. Since children are not being taught boundaries of right and wrong they get into the habit of doing and feeling anything they do is acceptable. These children do not develop social skills like manners, appropriate space, kindness, perseverance and conflict resolution. When many modern children enter school they are psychologically labeled for the parent’s lack of appropriately socializing them. Their child’s shortcomings are often amplified when they enter college and the work force. These young adults do not know how to make eye contact, follow through on assignments in a timely manner or handle criticism.

The university environment has become the natural extension of the lenient approach to immature and antisocial behavior. Cry closets, nap stations, and safe spaces have been established to protect student sensibilities and allow greater tolerance for angry outbursts against anyone who possesses different ideas and opinions. Even campus police are trained to overlook abusive and illegal behaviors. These “privileged students” have been given special consideration to placate the parents who are paying their outrageous tuition fees.

Probably the most devastating event of removing punishment for destructive behavior from the lives of our children is the weakening of their character. Our modern children are not being taught to sacrifice for the future or accept the consequences for their counter productive decisions. These overly positive-rewarded people at times need punishment to keep from going further down a negative road.

Sufficient punishment for obnoxious and dangerous behavior alerts the individual that pain is going to be associated with his inappropriate action. Punishment inhibits behavior, which is essential for maturing into a strong, moral person not a fragile one.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.

DO NOT PROTECT CHILDREN BY PROJECTING YOUR FAILURES ON THEM

DO NOT PROTECT CHILDREN BY PROJECTING YOUR FAILURES ON THEM

By Domenick J. Maglio PhD. Traditional Realist

Children are amazing in how they can change rapidly and drastically. An introverted, cautious preschooler can mature into an aggressive, extroverted adult. Human beings have genetic predisposition that can be altered through experience, role models and will power. Parents, other children and significant others such as relatives, teachers and coaches can inspire children to believe and do things they never dreamed they could accomplish.

When parents or other adults attempt to protect a child from difficulty or failure by saying “I could not do this or that either when I was your age,” is only giving the child an excuse not to attempt to improve. It does not give the child a message of encouragement to overcome the problem but rather it implies that the child does not have to work to try to improve since the parents succeeded without doing anything to overcome their weaknesses. It probably never occurred to the adult that they might have gone further in their own lives if they better developed their abilities and skills.

Just because a significant person did not overcome a challenge, this should not enable the youngster to follow this lazy and self-defeating path. These people do not think about the consequences of their so-called sympathetic statement to shield the student’s temporary difficulties. Besides, the child may not have the same difficulty as did the parent.

For parents who desire to protect their child from pain and anxiety for not being on par with other children this is a shortsighted approach. All children have to overcome many difficulties. The reality is, no child is perfect. Some have academic, social or physical difficulties. A student may find reading or math easy but usually not both in the early grades. In later grades a student can persevere and compensate in order to become an excellent student in most areas. Besides it takes initiative and effort to develop solutions and follow through. As the saying goes: no pain, no gain.

The primary issue is the child has to find a personal strategy to develop his own learning style to conquer his learning difficulties. Students have to determine what works best for them. Some may have to read the material several times, take notes, use flashcards, repeat the words and concepts to themselves. When they tackle the issue head-on independently there is greater opportunity for success. They have to find the means to compensate for their weaknesses. These students learn they are in charge of their own future success and have to make necessary changes to reach their objectives.  These are lessons of looking inside of themselves to arrive at answers when beginning to be an independent learner.

Saying the student is ‘just like me because I could not do this or that” results in a mental state of complacency. This discourages a child who is seeking to become an independent learner. Projecting an adult’s lack of success on a child is an unfair, stupid and destructive act. Students would think, “I do not have to overcome this problem as a significant adult in my life did not do well in this area either.” This thought process leads to mediocrity not excellence. It does not foster the fortitude to strive to reach one’s goals but increases rationalization and a lackadaisical attitude to be less than what one could and should be.

A winner is always eager to improve his performance, not settle to be less than he could be. Competitive performance is a double-edged sword where a person is never satisfied with himself even when he is at the top of his game. There is always more that can be done. However, when a person makes pathetic self-excuses for procrastinating in completing assignments or doing shoddy work, it could and probably would become a lifelong habit if there were not a significant change in attitude and behavior.  The person who has self-defeating behaviors has to change or settle for a less successful existence

Anyone who motivates himself by encouragement can be motivated to overcome any temporary difficulty. Einstein had difficulty with early math. Imagine if he gave up. The world would be much less scientifically advanced than it is today.

When people overcome their difficulties by developing their own strategies and implementing them they realize the importance of mind over matter. They learn how to try to conquer any challenge. This gift of learning the potency of will power and mind over matter opens up the gates to success in one’s life.

Domenick Maglio, PhD. is a columnist carried by various newspapers, an author of several books and owner/director of Wider Horizons School, a college prep program. Dr. Maglio is an author of weekly newspaper articles, INVASION WITHIN and a new just published book, entitled, IN CHARGE PARENTING In a PC World. You can visit Dr. Maglio at www.drmaglio.blogspot.com.